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Ariane DeVere
Sherlock fic: In Memoriam 
5th-Sep-2012 05:04 pm
Attempt give a damn - damn not given
Title: In Memoriam
Author: Ariane DeVere
Word count: 221
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: Sherlock belongs to way more powerful and wealthy people than me.


Summary: John doesn’t want to deliver the eulogy. But who else can do it but him?

It’s not as tragic or depressing as it might look. Ah, hell, it’s pure crack. But play along for a bit, if you don’t mind.






In Memoriam

“We are gathered here today to mourn the loss...”

John stopped, trying to control his emotions. He didn’t dare look at the people in front of him, afraid that meeting anyone’s eyes would make him lose his very limited grasp on his sanity.

“We are here to remember the bravest, noblest, most heroic...”

Somewhere to his right Sally choked out a muffled sob. John threw an angry warning glance in her direction. It was her fault this had happened, and he would never forgive her if she was the person who started him weeping.

“So brave, so valiant, fighting irresistible forces, struggling on against all odds...”

Lestrade lowered his head and covered his eyes. John whimpered slightly.

“Such courage may never be witnessed again.”

A few paces away, Sherlock directed his best ferocious glare at his flatmate as John finally lost it and cracked up, and the police officers in front of him began to laugh hysterically. Sherlock summoned the last remnants of his dignity and angrily drew his jacket around him in a vain attempt to disguise the ruin of his shirt which had let go just as he had puffed out his chest to deliver a stinging retort to Sally’s snarky comments.

John wiped tears of laughter from his eyes.

“We are here to remember those brave, brave buttons.”

**********
**********

Author’s Note: Never was the phrase, “Verity made me do it” more appropriate. This was only meant to be a bit of practice, and because my plotbunny had muttered “buttons” at me. But Verity the human got all belligerent on me when I said I didn’t think it was worth posting, and Verity the bun gave me her biggest glare – which on a fluffy bunny isn’t really all that threatening, but still ...

Never associate with anyone called Verity, is my advice to you all. They are scary.

Comments 
5th-Sep-2012 04:52 pm (UTC)
This is the best "Verity made me do it" in the history of such things. Oh Ariane, I knew this'd get me, but I didn't expect it to get me shrieking.

Thank you.
5th-Sep-2012 05:09 pm (UTC)
I told her! She sent me this just after I'd let you break my heart (again) with This Time No.

Does the woman have perfect timing, or what?!
5th-Sep-2012 05:56 pm (UTC)
Oh FCOL, not you too! I sent this to Verity with a "It's just for practice; it's not good enough to post" comment and got a mouthful of abuse and threats in reply. I really thought it was too silly!

I suppose one day we'll agree on something, but the disagreements are quite fun in a way!

Glad you liked it, anyway.
5th-Sep-2012 05:05 pm (UTC)
It’s not as tragic or depressing as it might look.
Wait, are you telling us you're going to fool us again and there will be a twist at the end? You warn us? It's not normal. Where's the trap?
*looks at you very suspiciously*

Somewhere to his right Sally choked out a muffled sob.
Anderson is dead (again)? Couldn't care less. *wistles away*

John whimpered slightly.
I prefer it when he wimpers in other circum... No, sorry, I didn't say anything.

A few paces away, Sherlock directed his best ferocious glare
Aha! Sherlock is alive and so is John. Bring on the angst now, I can resist anything!
his flatmate
His WHAT? Is it a non-slash story? I don't know if I can resist this angst.

So you told the truth in the beginning. You didn't mean to fool us when you said you were going to fool us. I find it... scary. It's not you. Is everything all right, Ariane? :D BUT it's clever too, which is very you.

But Verity the human got all belligerent on me when I said I didn’t think it was worth posting
Don't tell me you missed the 'I will if you will' opportunity to make her post her 221B about the word "rat"? Oh, Ariane!!! :D
5th-Sep-2012 06:01 pm (UTC)
What, me do a twist on a twist? That's not like me at all.

Oh, wait ...

To be honest, the only reason I warned that it's crack is because I feared that nobody would want to read it if it looked like it was going to be depressing, especially after Atlin had already torn our hearts to shreds today, as Verity pointed out above.

His WHAT? Is it a non-slash story?

You do know that they're still flatmates even if they're boffing, don't you? But if it makes you feel better, they went home and had angry sex immediately afterwards.

I'm just waiting for the right moment when Verity is very very drunk to persuade her to get her Ratfic posted ...
5th-Sep-2012 06:04 pm (UTC)
Aha! Welcome to the concept of the double-twist, my dear... soon we won't know whether to expect a twist or not - then she'll really stick it to us!
5th-Sep-2012 08:22 pm (UTC)
Aha! Sherlock is alive and so is John. Bring on the angst now, I can resist anything!
his flatmate
His WHAT? Is it a non-slash story? I don't know if I can resist this angst.

*giggles*
I love you, you perfect being!
5th-Sep-2012 09:21 pm (UTC)
Ah, I'm glad to see that someone understands me. Ariane says they're still flatmates even if they're boffing and I agree, but she is the one who wrote a fic where Sherlock marries a woman. I don't think you can be too suspicious with this kind of author. :D
5th-Sep-2012 05:42 pm (UTC)
I love this. It made me laugh like [even more of] an idiot. You can blame me all you like - I am proud and shall remain that way :P



Edited at 2012-09-05 05:43 pm (UTC)
5th-Sep-2012 06:13 pm (UTC)
Yeah, it's not quite what I would have intended to post as my 40th story, but there you go.

Mind you, I never would have thought I would ever post 40 stories in the first place!

But I'm glad you enjoyed it.

And I'm thinking more of this:

5th-Sep-2012 07:31 pm (UTC)
Oh, that's the one I was looking for when I found the other one!

All together now... 'That's a Series One shirt on a Series Two body'. Possibly your funniest line ever - although it's a tough call!
5th-Sep-2012 08:50 pm (UTC)
Next step, the vest.

5th-Sep-2012 08:58 pm (UTC)
Oh yeah, baby! I am going to look at this one last thing before I go to sleep and hope for good dreams - thank you!
5th-Sep-2012 05:53 pm (UTC)
I thought it THE COAT not the buttons. Great fic anyway!
5th-Sep-2012 06:14 pm (UTC)
Gasp! I would never dream of ruining the Coat!! Even I wouldn't be that evil!

Glad you enjoyed the story anyway.
5th-Sep-2012 06:10 pm (UTC)
Forever love how your mini fics never fail to surprise me :)
5th-Sep-2012 06:14 pm (UTC)
Aww thanks! I do enjoy a twist at the end!
5th-Sep-2012 06:29 pm (UTC)
They really are the hardest working buttons ever known to a consulting detective or his blogger. So I am sincerely grateful that they are given a proper eulogy, even if it was Sally's fault anyway.

:-) hi, my name is Brina and I am a Ari crack addict. ;-)
5th-Sep-2012 06:38 pm (UTC)
Oh, you poor thing. I'm sure there must be treatment you can get for that ...

Thanks for the lovely comment!
(Deleted comment)
5th-Sep-2012 07:10 pm (UTC)
We should set up a memorial with an eternal flame.
5th-Sep-2012 08:22 pm (UTC)
This was definitely so needed after Atlin's assault on our hearts earlier. Plus I dreamt about Sherlock's buttons giving out last night, although it was down to John, not Sally and there was more groaning and less whimpering :)
Anyway, I loved it and I'm so glad you're frightened enough of Verity that you posted it when she told you too!
6th-Sep-2012 05:49 pm (UTC)
*pouts grumpily* Why don't I have dreams like that?

Glad you liked the story. And it'd be a braver person than me who would resist a demanding Verity!
5th-Sep-2012 08:25 pm (UTC)
Thank you for the sentence after the summary. I would not have read it otherwise because I just had a lovely dinner with friends and can not deal with sadness right now. The crack was perfect though!

PS: Something just hissed under my desk. If you don't hear from me tomorrow a dinosaur has eaten me. Yes, I started watching Primeval. ;)
6th-Sep-2012 05:51 pm (UTC)
Oh good, I'm glad I did the right thing by sort of giving away the twist in an attempt not to put people off from reading it.

And I hope that that wasn't the last fic you ever read, and that you haven't now disappeared into an anomaly! If we don't hear from you soon, I'll send Cutter in to rescue you!
6th-Sep-2012 07:58 pm (UTC)
Ha, under these circumstances, you are so not going to hear from me again! *sits down and waits for the hot Scot to rescue her*
5th-Sep-2012 08:40 pm (UTC)
I really, really, really need to stop drinking ANYTHING when reading fanfics.

6th-Sep-2012 05:52 pm (UTC)
*pats you on the back to ease your choking*

Sorry. Maybe we need to start posting "Do not drink" warnings on fics!
5th-Sep-2012 09:34 pm (UTC)
*sorry Rox can't comment today* *she bumped her head hard while rolling on the floor laughing her ass of* *now she is unconcious and dreaming of Sherlock without buttons*
6th-Sep-2012 05:54 pm (UTC)
Well, I would apologise for your injuries, but if they're giving you such nice dreams, maybe they're not such a bad thing!

Glad I gave you a laugh.
5th-Sep-2012 11:11 pm (UTC)
EEEEE! Wicked! Thanks for letting us know it wouldn't be tragic or depressing (those make me too sad!)--instead it was hilarious!
6th-Sep-2012 05:54 pm (UTC)
Really glad you ventured in, and that you enjoyed it.
6th-Sep-2012 12:18 am (UTC)
I was worried it was the coat! I'm so relieved.
6th-Sep-2012 05:54 pm (UTC)
I would never harm the Coat!
6th-Sep-2012 12:44 am (UTC)
Hee! A fitting tribute, finally XD
6th-Sep-2012 05:55 pm (UTC)
Those buttons deserve all our respect.
6th-Sep-2012 03:30 am (UTC)
Wait, we're mourning the loss of the buttons? But the buttons were all that stood between us and views of his chest! I say, death to all the buttons! Hurrah for increased accessibility!

(Also, very funny fic. Verity may be evil, but she's right.)
6th-Sep-2012 05:56 pm (UTC)
Hmm, maybe you have a point. Perhaps it should have been a celebration that the buttons had finally done the decent thing and let go!
9th-Jan-2013 11:57 am (UTC)
Ha ha, that was brilliant XD!
22nd-Jul-2014 08:08 pm (UTC)
Would you believe that one Czech author just wrote a companion story to this from the buttons point of view? I am terribly tempted to translate it to English just for your sake. It's the purest crack.
23rd-Jul-2014 09:01 am (UTC)
When your comment popped up in my Inbox, which doesn't show which particular entry of mine you had commented on, I assumed that when I clicked the link I would come across to Against Inclement Weather. It was a surprise to find myself on this story instead - I've not re-read it for ages!
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