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Ariane DeVere
Sherlock, Season 3, episode 3 transcript: His Last Vow, part 1 
14th-Jan-2014 04:28 pm
Sherlock - HLV Transcript
Sherlock, Season 3, episode 3 transcript: His Last Vow, part 1

With all my thanks to Team Ari – kizzia, lauramcewan, laurtew, marta_bee, mirith, pipmer1, and swissmarg – for all their help in checking and correcting this transcript.




Episode written by Steven Moffat.
Transcript by Ariane DeVere aka Callie Sullivan.
(Last updated 18 January 2017)


Please note: Although complete, this is and will continue to be very much a work in progress. Amendments and additions will be made continually as I spot new clever stuff in the background or realise the subtlety of the way that a particular line of dialogue was delivered, or learn something new from commentaries, interviews etc. In the meantime, if you think that I’ve made any errors or have left anything out, do let me know, either in the Comments section below or by PM.


Polite request: If you take extracts from this transcript for use elsewhere, and especially if you repost my own words, it would be kind if you would acknowledge the source and/or give a link back to this transcript. Thanks.

Sherlock, Season 3, episode 3 transcript: His Last Vow, part 1

Jump to Part 2 / Jump to Part 3 / Jump to Part 4


The scene opens on a pair of thin rimmed spectacles lying on top of a table.
LADY SMALLWOOD (offscreen): Mr Magnussen, please state your full name for the record.
MAGNUSSEN (in a heavy Danish accent): Charles Augustus Magnussen.
(We see Lady Smallwood from Magnussen’s viewpoint. She is a woman in her early sixties. She is sitting at another table some distance away, facing him. With his glasses off, his view of the woman is blurred.)
LADY SMALLWOOD: Mr Magnussen, how would you describe your influence over the Prime Minister?
MAGNUSSEN: The British Prime Minister?
LADY SMALLWOOD: Any of the British Prime Ministers you have known.
(We now see the layout of the room. Magnussen sits alone at a table in a large room. The wall to his left is floor-to-ceiling glass. He is facing three more tables which are laid out in a U-shape. There are eleven people sitting at these tables. Each person has a microphone on a stand in front of them, and the session is being filmed and projected onto a screen behind Lady Smallwood. She sits at the centre of the table facing Magnussen. She is clearly the chairperson of what must be the parliamentary commission to which a rolling news headline referred in “The Empty Hearse” at the same time that the TV news announced that Sherlock was alive. There is a glassed-off viewing gallery at the rear of the room where observers – perhaps mostly journalists – are sitting and watching the proceedings with headphones on their ears. Magnussen answers all his questions in a flat tone, showing no emotion.)
MAGNUSSEN: I never had the slightest influence over any of them. Why would I?
LADY SMALLWOOD (looking through a report on the table in front of her): I notice you’ve had ... seven meetings at Downing Street this year. (She looks up at him.) Why?
MAGNUSSEN: Because I was invited.
LADY SMALLWOOD: Can you recall the subjects under discussion?
MAGNUSSEN: Not without being more indiscreet than I believe is appropriate.
(A man to the right of Lady Smallwood leans forward to his microphone.)
GARVIE: Do you think it right that a newspaper proprietor, a private individual and, in fact, a foreign national should have such regular access to our Prime Minister?
(While he has been speaking, Magnussen has picked up his glasses and put them on. As soon as Garvie comes into focus, information appears in front of Magnussen’s eyes in a white font:

JOHN GARVIE

MP ROCKWELL SOUTH
ADULTERER (SEE FILE)
REFORMED ALCOHOLIC
PORN PREFERENCE: NORMAL
FINANCES: 41% DEBT (SEE FILE)
STATUS UNIMPORTANT

then, in red underneath:

PRESSURE POINT: >

The last line flashes momentarily.)
MAGNUSSEN: I don’t think it’s wrong that a private individual should accept an invitation.
(The line stops flashing and adds further information:

PRESSURE POINT: >
DISABLED DAUGHTER
(SEE FILE)

MAGNUSSEN: However, you have my sincere apologies for being foreign.
GARVIE: That’s not what I meant. That is not in any way ...
LADY SMALLWOOD (talking over him): Mr Magnussen, can you recall an occasion when your remarks could have influenced government policy or the Prime Minister’s thinking in any way?
(While she has been speaking, Magnussen has turned his gaze to her and information immediately appears in front of his eyes.)

LADY ELIZABETH SMALLWOOD
MARRIED
SOLVENT
FORMER GYMNAST
PORN PREFERENCE: NONE
VICES: NONE

and, in red underneath:

PRESSURE POINT: >SEARCHING

The line flashes for a moment.
Magnussen takes off his glasses and reaches for a small cloth on the table.)

MAGNUSSEN: No.
LADY SMALLWOOD: Are you sure?
(Magnussen pauses while he cleans the lenses on his glasses and then puts them on again. He looks at Lady Smallwood and the information about her reappears in front of his eyes. The basic details about her then disappear leaving just the red line which is no longer flashing and now reads:

PRESSURE POINT: >
HUSBAND

MAGNUSSEN (holding her gaze): I have an excellent memory.

[Transcriber’s note: on the Region 2 DVD of this episode, when Magnussen looks at Lady Smallwood and sees the text in front of his eyes, it actually reads ‘Lady Alicia Smallwood’, not ‘Lady Elizabeth Smallwood’. This error was not on the version transmitted by the BBC, and whoever let the wrong version appear on the DVD wants a good slapping. Anyway, onwards ...]

DUSK. Ornate electronic gates open across a wide drive, and a black car bearing the licence plate
1 CAM drives through and progresses along the drive which curves across the centre of a small lake. At the end of the drive is a large beautiful and almost futuristic-looking house with tall windows and curved walls. At the house, a man in a suit opens the door to Magnussen and he walks into an opulent-looking hall which has walls that are part bare pale grey brick and part plastered in white. The floor is a pale colour and glass panels line the staircases. Magnussen walks downstairs, passing a kitchen which is all pale brown tiling and stainless steel. He progresses to a glass wall with a glass door in it which leads into a room – possibly a study – which has a table inside on which are some slender and strange-looking ornaments. He goes in and walks across to a double set of wooden doors. He pauses for a moment, then opens them.
He walks down a light brown wooden spiral staircase, again lined with glass panels. Further down, the spiral staircase becomes narrower and is now made of light grey metal. The stairs lead into a large library. The shelves are full of files and ledgers. He walks through the stacks, his fingers raised and flicking towards various shelves as if he is trying to remember where he has put something specific.
At the rear of the library the room becomes familiar to us and we realise that this is the place where the man we now know to be Magnussen watched the footage of Sherlock rescuing John from the bonfire at the end of
“The Empty Hearse.” It is dark and creepy in this area and the grotesque dolls, stuffed animals and unpleasant-looking sculptures are still on display. Magnussen goes to a rotating card index and flicks through it until he finds what he wants, then he moves on and soon afterwards we see him looking at a file which has a photograph of Lady Smallwood paperclipped to the inside. He smiles a little. Next to her photograph is a picture of a man of around her age, and now Magnussen slides under the paperclip a photo of a beautiful girl who appears to be in her late teens. The girl has ornately coiffed hair and is wearing a strappy white top and is looking directly into the camera, clearly posing for the photograph.
Not long afterwards, Magnussen is sitting in a chair facing a large wall. A film projector whirrs beside him and the photograph of the girl is now being projected onto the wall. He is holding the original photograph in one hand and looking at it. After a moment he raises the photo to his mouth and runs one corner slowly down his bottom lip.

Some time later Lady Smallwood is sitting at a table in a room which has several other tables and chairs scattered around. It’s possible that this room is in an exclusive club similar to The Diogenes Club. She is looking at paperwork. A smartly dressed attendant speaks to a man near the door.

ATTENDANT: Your car’s waiting outside, sir. See you tomorrow.
(The man leaves. Magnussen is sitting in an armchair some feet away from the table. Lady Smallwood puts down her papers and pen and looks across to Magnussen as he stands up and walks across the room towards her.)
MAGNUSSEN: May I join you?
LADY SMALLWOOD: I don’t think it’s appropriate.
MAGNUSSEN: It isn’t.
(He goes over to a wheeled chair nearby and rolls it across to the side of her table.)
LADY SMALLWOOD: Mr Magnussen, outside the enquiry we can have no contact, no communication at all.
(Magnussen sits down, then reaches out and grasps her hand.)
LADY SMALLWOOD: Please don’t do that.
MAGNUSSEN: In 1982 your husband corresponded with Helen Catherine Driscoll.
LADY SMALLWOOD: That was before I knew him.
MAGNUSSEN: The letters were lively, loving – some would say explicit – and currently in my possession.
LADY SMALLWOOD: Will you please move your hand?
MAGNUSSEN (narrating part of one of the letters): “I long, my darling, to know the touch of your ... (he pauses briefly, then continues) ... body.”
LADY SMALLWOOD: I know what was in the letters.
MAGNUSSEN: She was fifteen.
LADY SMALLWOOD: She looked older.
MAGNUSSEN: Oh, she looked delicious. We have photographs, too – the ones she sent him. (He smacks his lips.) Yum yum.
LADY SMALLWOOD: He was unaware of her age. He met her only once before the letters began. When he discovered the truth, he stopped immediately. Those are the facts.
MAGNUSSEN: Facts are for history books. I work in news.
LADY SMALLWOOD: Your hand is sweating.
MAGNUSSEN: Always, I’m afraid. I have a condition.
LADY SMALLWOOD: It’s disgusting.
MAGNUSSEN: Ah, I’m used to it. (He strokes his finger across the top of her hand.) The whole world is wet to my touch.
LADY SMALLWOOD: I will call someone. I will have you removed.
(She tries to withdraw her hand from his but he clamps his fingers around it.)
MAGNUSSEN: What is that?
(He gently lifts her hand, turns it over and then clamps his fingers around it again as he raises her wrist towards his face and sniffs it.)
MAGNUSSEN: Claire de la Lune? (He looks up at her.) A bit young for you, isn’t it?
(She pulls her hand free and flails towards him but he seizes her arm and holds it still.)
MAGNUSSEN: You want to hit me now? Could you, still? You’re an old lady now. Perhaps you should settle for calling someone.
(She tugs her hand free and this time he releases it. She looks away.)
MAGNUSSEN: Well? Go on.
(She continues to look away.)
MAGNUSSEN: No? Because now there are consequences. I have the letters and therefore I have you.
LADY SMALLWOOD: This is blackmail.
MAGNUSSEN: Of course it isn’t blackmail. This is ... ownership.
(She turns to glare at him.)
LADY SMALLWOOD: You do not own me.
(The attendant walks across the room towards them but stops some distance away. Magnussen’s eyes turn briefly as if hearing his footsteps but otherwise he takes no notice of him. Instead, he half-rises, leans towards Lady Smallwood, sticks out his tongue and runs the tip of it up the side of her face. She cringes. He sits back down.)
MAGNUSSEN: Claire de la Lune.
(He picks up a paper napkin from the tray on her table, sticks his tongue out again and rubs the napkin over it.)
MAGNUSSEN: It never tastes like it smells, does it?
(Lady Smallwood stares ahead of herself. He puts the napkin down, gives her one last look and then stands and walks away.)
MAGNUSSEN (to the attendant): Lady Smallwood’s bill is on me. See to it.
ATTENDANT: Yes, Mr Magnussen.
(Lady Smallwood lowers her head and lets out a shuddering breath.)

Later, she is being driven home. Sitting in the back of her Rolls Royce, she is holding an open compact mirror in one hand and has a handkerchief pressed to the side of her face where Magnussen licked it. She breathes out shakily.

LADY SMALLWOOD (quietly): Oh, God.
(Her chauffeur looks in his rear view mirror at her.)
CHAUFFEUR: You all right, ma’am?
LADY SMALLWOOD: Fine, yes.
(She lowers the handkerchief and looks at herself in her compact mirror.)
LADY SMALLWOOD (softly, angrily): Magnussen.
(Furiously she snaps the compact closed.)
LADY SMALLWOOD (louder, but to herself): No-one stands up to him. No-one dares. No-one even tries.
(She picks up her ornate bottle of Claire de la Lune perfume from her handbag and starts spraying herself with it.)

LADY SMALLWOOD: There isn’t a man or woman in England capable of stopping that disgusting creature ...
(She stops, staring out of the window for a moment.)
CHAUFFEUR: Ma’am?
LADY SMALLWOOD: Turn the car around. We’re going back into town. Turn around.
(The chauffeur does a U-turn and starts driving back the way they just came.)
CHAUFFEUR: Where are we going, ma’am?
LADY SMALLWOOD: Baker Street.

OPENING CREDITS.

John and Mary are asleep in bed, Mary’s hand resting on top of John’s on top of the covers. John’s hand twitches as his dream flashes back to his time in Afghanistan and he hears gunfire and explosions and sees his comrades fall and grimace in pain around him. He shakes his head in his sleep and his dream moves to a flashback of Sherlock during their first meeting at Baker Street.

SHERLOCK (in the dream): Seen a lot of injuries, then? Violent deaths?
JOHN (in the dream): Enough for a lifetime.
(In the Watsons’ bedroom there’s a pounding sound nearby, as if someone is knocking on the front door.)
SHERLOCK (in the dream): Wanna see some more?
JOHN (in the dream): Oh, God, yes.
(The banging sound comes again and John jolts and sits up in bed. Half asleep, in his mind’s eye he can see Sherlock looking intensely at him.)
SHERLOCK: The game is on. (He smiles.)
(John wakes up properly and throws back the covers.
Now wearing a dressing gown over his night clothes, he goes to the front door where someone is still knocking. He opens the door and sees a woman standing there looking back at him. She has clearly been crying for some time.)

WOMAN (tearfully): I know it’s early. (She starts to cry.) Really, I’m sorry.
(John stares at her a little blankly. Mary comes into view at the end of the hall, putting on her dressing gown. She peers down the hall.)
MARY: Is that Kate?
JOHN: Y-yeah, it’s Kate.
(Kate sobs, holding a paper tissue to her nose.)
MARY: Invite her in?
JOHN: Er, sorry, yes. D-d’you wanna come in, Kate?
(He steps aside and Kate walks down the hall towards Mary, still crying.)
MARY (sympathetically): Hey ...

Later, Mary and Kate are sitting on the sofa. Mary is stroking Kate’s arm while she continues to cry.
MARY: It’s all right.
(John comes over and puts two mugs onto the coffee table.)
JOHN: There you go.
MARY (to John): It’s Isaac.
JOHN (to Kate): Ah, your husband.
MARY: Son.
JOHN: Son, yeah.
KATE: He’s gone missing again. Didn’t come home last night.
(Mary lets out a sympathetic sigh and looks at John.)
MARY: The usual.
JOHN: He’s the drugs one, yeah?
(He starts to pace back and forth. Kate breaks down in tears again.)
MARY: Er, yeah, nicely put, John.
JOHN: Look, is it Sherlock Holmes you want? Because I’ve not seen him in ages.
MARY: About a month.
(John continues pacing, the fingers of his left hand twitching.)
KATE: Who’s Sherlock Holmes?
MARY (looking at John): See? That does happen.
KATE: There’s a – a place they all go to, him and his ... friends.
(Cutaway close-up of someone cooking-up a drug in a spoon with a lighter held underneath. Nearby, someone blearily props their head on their hand.)
KATE (voiceover): They all ... do whatever they do ...
(The first person clicks the lighter closed.)
KATE: ... shoot up, whatever you call it.
JOHN: Where is he?
KATE: It’s a house. It’s a dump. I mean, it’s practically falling down.
JOHN: No, the address.
(Mary turns and looks at him.)
JOHN: Where, exactly?

Shortly afterwards John is dressed and walking down the path outside the house and heading towards their car parked at the kerb. Mary, still in her pyjamas and dressing gown, is following him.
MARY: Seriously?
JOHN (turning back to her): Why not? She’s not going to the police. Someone’s got to get him.
MARY (stopping at the gate as John continues on): Why you?
JOHN: I’m being neighbourly.
MARY: Since when?
JOHN (chuckling briefly): Since now. Since this exact minute.
MARY: Why are you being so ...?
(She twirls her hands expressively.)
JOHN (stopping at the driver’s door and turning back to her): What?
MARY: I dunno. What’s the matter with you?
JOHN (loudly): There is nothing the matter with me. (Quickly, less forcefully) Imagine I said that without shouting.
MARY: I’m trying.
(She walks briskly towards the passenger side of the car.)
JOHN: No, you can’t come. You’re pregnant.
MARY: You can’t go. I’m pregnant.
(She opens the passenger door and gets in, shutting the door. John looks away for a moment, then gets into the car.)

Later, they have parked on a piece of concreted waste ground outside the address Kate gave them. John opens the boot of the car and takes out something, then walks round to the passenger side. Mary laughs and points at what he’s tucking into the top of his jeans.

MARY: What is that?!
JOHN: It’s a tyre lever.
MARY: Why?
JOHN (nodding towards the house): ’Cause there were loads of smackheads in there, and one of them might need help with a tyre. If there’s any trouble, just go. I’ll be fine.
(He turns and starts to walk towards the house but Mary gets out of the car.)
MARY: Er, John, John, John, John.
(He stops and turns back to her.)
MARY: It is a tiny bit sexy.
JOHN (nonchalantly): Yeah, I know.
(He walks across to the front door of the house, which has a large sign stuck to the front of it saying, “PRIVATE PROPERTY. KEEP OUT,” and bangs loudly on the door.)
JOHN: Hello?
(The door is opened by a young man wearing a jacket with the hood pulled up over his head. He looks scruffy and dirty.)
BILL: What d’you want?
JOHN: ’Scuse me.
(He barges his way in and walks down the hall. Bill looks outside for a moment, then turns towards John.)
BILL: Naah, naah, you can’t come in ’ere!
JOHN (looking into a room as he walks past): I’m looking for a friend.
(He continues on, looking into doorways as he goes.)
JOHN: A very specific friend – I’m not just browsing.
(Reaching the last room, he looks in there and then starts walking back again.)
BILL: You’ve gotta go. No-one’s allowed ’ere.
JOHN (stopping several paces away from Bill and clearing his throat): Isaac Whitney. You seen him?
(Bill takes a flick-knife from his pocket and snaps the blade open, holding it towards John.)
JOHN: I’m asking you if you’ve seen Isaac Whitney, and now you’re showing me a knife. Is it a clue?
(Bill gestures with his knife towards the open door behind him.)
JOHN: Are you doing a mime?
BILL: Go. Or I’ll cut you.
JOHN: Ooh, not from there. Let me help.
(He walks towards him, stopping close enough to Bill that he could stab him if he wanted to. Bill stares back at him wide-eyed.)
JOHN (now in full soldier mode): Now, concentrate. (Slowly, precisely) Isaac Whitney.
BILL: Okay, you asked for it.
(Before Bill can even think about moving, John lashes out with his left hand, seizing Bill’s right arm and slamming his right hand down onto the arm. As Bill cries out in pain John wraps his right hand round the front of Bill’s neck and slams him against the wall, then uses his right foot to sweep Bill’s feet from under him. Bill slumps to the floor and John steps back. Bill chokes and groans in pain. John bends down and picks up the flick-knife which has fallen to the floor.)
JOHN: Right.
(He squats down beside Bill.)
JOHN: Are you concentrating yet?
BILL: You broke my arm!
JOHN: No, I sprained it.
(He looks all around to make sure there’s no-one else nearby.)
BILL: It feels squishy! Is it supposed to feel squishy?
(He holds out his right arm to John.)
BILL: Feel that!
(John reaches out and squeezes the arm. Bill groans.)
JOHN: Yeah, it’s a sprain. I’m a doctor – I know how to sprain people.
(He releases the arm. Bill groans.)
JOHN: Now where is Isaac Whitney?
BILL: I don’t know!
(John gives him a look.)
BILL: Maybe upstairs.
JOHN: There you go. (He pats Bill’s leg.) Wasn’t that easy?
(He stands up and walks towards the stairs.)
BILL (grumpily): No. It’s really sore. You’re mental, you are.
JOHN (pocketing the flick-knife as he goes): No. Just used to a better class of criminal.
(He walks up the stairs and into a large room at the top. Several people are lying or sitting on mattresses around the edge of the room. All of them look very stoned and unaware of what’s going on in the real world. Grimacing, John walks slowly across the room.)
JOHN: Isaac? Isaac Whitney?
(He walks over towards two people lying side by side on mattresses.)
JOHN (quietly): Isaac?
(One of them tiredly raises a hand. The young man gazes blearily up at John as he walks to his side and kneels down beside him.)
JOHN: Hello, mate.
(He puts a supporting hand behind his back.)
JOHN: Sit up for me? Sit up.
(He helps him to sit, then lifts one of his eyelids. The boy’s eyes roll uncontrollably and he tries to focus on John.)
ISAAC: Doctor Watson?
JOHN (lifting his other eyelid): Yep.
ISAAC: Where am I?
JOHN: The arse-end of the universe with the scum of the Earth. Look at me.
ISAAC (blearily): Have you come for me?
JOHN: D’you think I know a lot of people here?!
(Isaac laughs hazily.)
JOHN: Hey, all right?
(On the mattress to Isaac’s right and behind John, another person – wearing jogging bottoms and a jacket with the hood up – rolls over, props himself onto one elbow and looks round to them.)
SHERLOCK (for it is he): Ah, hello, John.
(John raises his head, his eyes widening.)
SHERLOCK: Didn’t expect to see you here.
(He pushes his hood back as John turns round to look at him. Sherlock squinches up his eyes and peers at him.)
SHERLOCK: Did you come for me, too?
(John looks at him for a second, then his eyes begin to narrow.)

Outside shortly afterwards, Isaac stumbles over to the car where Mary is now sitting in the driver’s seat.

MARY: Hallo, Isaac.
ISAAC (blurrily): Mrs Watson, can I – can I get in, please?
MARY (pointing her thumb behind her): Yes, of course, get in. Where’s John?
ISAAC (opening the rear car door): They’re ’avin’ a fight.
MARY (urgently): Who is?
(Over at the house, on the first floor landing of the fire escape, Sherlock angrily punches open a temporary door which had been nailed across a doorway, knocking it off all its nails and sending it crashing across the fire escape.)
SHERLOCK (angrily): For God’s sakes, John! I’m on a case!
JOHN (following him down the fire escape): A month – that’s all it took. One.
(Halfway down, Sherlock vaults over the side of the fire escape and onto a wall beside it.)

SHERLOCK: I’m working.
(He jumps down onto the top of a wheelie bin beside the wall and then down onto another one laying on its side before stepping to the ground. John follows.)
JOHN: Sherlock Holmes in a drug den! How’s that gonna look?
SHERLOCK: I’m undercover.
JOHN: No you’re not!
SHERLOCK (gesticulating angrily): Well, I’m not now!
(Mary has driven the car quickly towards the house, and she pulls up alongside them with a squeal of brakes.)
MARY (sternly): In. Both of you, quickly.
(John gets into the passenger seat while Sherlock gets into the seat behind him. Bill hurries over towards the car, cradling his hurt arm. Mary sighs in exasperation at her boys, then turns to look through the front windscreen at the new arrival standing in front of the car.)

BILL: Please. Can I come? I think I’ve got a broken arm.
MARY: No. Go away.
JOHN: No, let him.
MARY: Why?
JOHN (to Bill, leaning out of the open side window and pointing towards the rear of the car): Yeah, just get in. It’s a sprain.
(Bill runs round the side of the car.)
MARY: Anyone else? I mean, we’re taking everybody home, are we?
(Sighing, Sherlock shifts to the centre of the rear seat to give Bill some room. Bill gets in and looks round at him.)
BILL: All right, Shezza?
JOHN (incredulously): “Shezza”?
SHERLOCK (tetchily): I was undercover.
MARY: Seriously – “Shezza,” though?!
(Sherlock sighs again.)
JOHN: We’re not going home. We’re going to Bart’s. I’m calling Molly.
(In the rear seat, Sherlock is wiping some of the dirt off his face with a handkerchief.)
MARY: Why?
JOHN (holding his phone to his ear and turning to look over his shoulder at his friend before directing the rest of the sentence to Mary): Because Sherlock Holmes needs to pee in a jar.
(Sherlock lowers his handkerchief and closes his eyes with exasperation. Mary drives them all away.)

Later, in the lab at Bart’s, Molly is finishing her tests on Sherlock’s urine sample. He is standing nearby, leaning back against the central bench and looking sulky. On the other side of the lab Bill is sitting on a side bench while Mary is wrapping a bandage round his arm. Isaac is also sitting nearby. Molly takes off her gloves with two loud snaps.

JOHN: Well? Is he clean?
(Throwing her gloves down, Molly turns to him.)
MOLLY: Clean?
(She turns and walks over to face Sherlock, then slaps him hard around the face with her right hand. Mary, Bill and Isaac look over to them in surprise. Molly slaps him again just as hard and then, for good measure, slaps him again with her left hand. Sherlock blinks and grimaces.)
MOLLY: How dare you throw away the beautiful gifts you were born with?
(She glances briefly towards John and then looks back at Sherlock.)
MOLLY: And how dare you betray the love of your friends? Say you’re sorry.
SHERLOCK (holding his face): Sorry your engagement’s over – though I’m fairly grateful for the lack of a ring.
MOLLY: Stop it. (Angrily) Just stop it.
(John storms towards him, his face stern but his voice low.)
JOHN: If you were anywhere near this kind of thing again, you could have called, you could have talked to me.
SHERLOCK: Please do relax. This is all for a case.
(Mary, still wrapping Bill’s arm, shakes her head.)
JOHN: A ca... What kind of case would need you doing this?
SHERLOCK: I might as well ask you why you’ve started cycling to work.
JOHN (shaking his head): No. We’re not playing this game.
(He turns and walks away.)
SHERLOCK: Quite recently, I’d say. You’re very determined about it.
JOHN: Not interested.
BILL: I am.
(Sherlock turns to look at him. Bill looks down at Mary.)
BILL: Ow.
MARY: Oh, sorry. You moved. But it is just a sprain.
BILL: Yeah. Somebody ’it me.
MARY: Huh?
(Bill turns his head to look at John.)
BILL: Eh, just some guy.
JOHN: Yeah, probably just an addict in need of a fix.
SHERLOCK (pointedly, looking directly at John): Yes. I think, in a way, it was.
(John holds his eyes for a moment, then looks away.)
BILL: Is it his shirt?
SHERLOCK (looking round at him): I’m sorry?
BILL: Well, it’s the creases, innit?
(He looks across to John. Sherlock does likewise and zooms in on the creases in his shirt.)
BILL: The two creases down the front. It’s been recently folded but it’s not new.
(Sherlock smiles slightly.)
BILL: Must have dressed in a hurry this morning ...
(Flashback to John in his bedroom, folding a shirt on top of the bed.)
BILL: ... so all your shirts must be kept like that.
(John stares at him in confusion.)
BILL: But why? Maybe ’cause you cycle to work every morning, shower when you get there an’ then dress in the clothes you brought with you.
(Sherlock looks at him, clearly impressed.)
BILL (still looking at John): You keep your shirts folded ...
(Flashback to John, in his bedroom, putting the folded shirt into a small backpack.)
BILL: ... ready to pack.
SHERLOCK: Not bad.
BILL (still looking at John): An’ I further deduce ...
(Sherlock raises his eyebrows, and he and John exchange a brief glance.)
BILL: ... you’ve only started recently, because you’ve got a bit of chafing.
(John looks down his body.)
SHERLOCK: No – he’s always walked like that. Remind me – what’s your name again?
BILL: They call me The Wig.
SHERLOCK: No they don’t.
BILL (awkwardly): Well, they-they call me Wiggy.
SHERLOCK: Nope.
BILL (hesitating, then looking down): Bill. Bill Wiggins.
SHERLOCK: Nice observational skills, Billy.
(His phone sounds a text alert. He takes out the phone and looks at the message.)

SHERLOCK: Ah! Finally.
MOLLY: “Finally” what?
BILL: Good news?
SHERLOCK: Oh, excellent news – the best.
(He turns and heads for the door, working on his phone.)

SHERLOCK: There’s every chance that my drug habit might hit the newspapers. The game is on.
(Raising his phone to his ear as he reaches the door, he turns and looks round the room briefly.)
SHERLOCK: Excuse me for a second.
(He leaves the room.)

Later, he and John are alone in the back of a taxi. Sherlock is still in his scruffy clothes, so it appears they have gone directly from Bart’s.

SHERLOCK: You’ve heard of Charles Augustus Magnussen, of course.
JOHN: Yeah. Owns some newspapers – ones I don’t read.
(Sherlock frowns and looks round the cab and then out of the back window.)
SHERLOCK: Hang on – weren’t there other people?
JOHN: Mary’s taking the boys home; I’m taking you. We did discuss it.
(Sherlock raises his eyes upwards as if trying to remember.)
SHERLOCK: People were talking, none of them me. I must have filtered.
JOHN: I noticed.
SHERLOCK: I have to filter out a lot of witless babble. I’ve got Mrs Hudson on semi-permanent mute.
(The journey continues and the taxi eventually pulls up outside 221B Baker Street. As soon as he sees the closed front door, Sherlock lets out an exasperated sigh.)
SHERLOCK: What is my brother doing here?
(He gets out and heads for the front door. John calls after him.)
JOHN (tetchily): So I’ll just pay, then, shall I?
(Sherlock goes up onto the doorstep and glares at the door knocker.)
SHERLOCK: He’s straightened the knocker.
(He turns to John as he gets out of the cab.)
SHERLOCK: He always corrects it. He’s OCD. Doesn’t even know he’s doing it.
(He deliberately pushes the door knocker to one side, then lets himself in.)
JOHN: Why’d you do that?
SHERLOCK: Do what?
JOHN: Nothing.
(They go inside, John shutting the door behind him, and Sherlock opens and goes through the inner door, then stops and rolls his eyes at the sight of Mycroft sitting on the stairs.)
MYCROFT: Well, then, Sherlock. Back on the sauce?
SHERLOCK: What are you doing here?
JOHN: I phoned him.
MYCROFT: The siren call of old habits. How very like Uncle Rudi – though, in many ways, cross-dressing would have been a wiser path for you.
SHERLOCK (folding his arms and directing his comment to John without looking at him): You phoned him.
JOHN: ’Course I bloody phoned him.
MYCROFT: ’Course he bloody did. Now, save me a little time. Where should we be looking?
SHERLOCK: “We”?
ANDERSON’s VOICE (from upstairs): Mr Holmes?
(In the kitchen, Anderson closes the door to one of the cupboards in the kitchen.)
SHERLOCK (furiously): For God’s sake!
(He storms up the stairs, Mycroft sliding sideways on his step to get out of his way. Mycroft and John exchange a look and John blows out a breath as Mycroft leans on his umbrella to push himself to his feet.
Sherlock goes into the kitchen and glares at Anderson who is with a female colleague called Benji. [Don’t ask why she has such an odd name but that’s how she’s named in the end credits – I can only assume it’s some kind of in-joke or shout-out to a personal friend, or family pet, of the writer.])

SHERLOCK (angrily): Anderson.
ANDERSON (raising his gloved hands apologetically): I’m sorry, Sherlock. It’s for your own good.
(Looking annoyed, Sherlock drops his keys onto the kitchen table. Benji stares at him.)
BENJI: Oh, that’s him, isn’t it?
(Sherlock turns and storms towards his armchair, where another member of the ‘search team’ is sitting and reading a book. The man scrambles out of the chair, putting the book onto the table beside it, and hurries away. Sherlock flips up his hood and climbs into the chair.)
BENJI: You said he’d be taller.
MYCROFT (coming into the kitchen and looking towards Sherlock): Some members of your little fan-club. Do be polite. They’re entirely trustworthy, and even willing to search through the toxic waste dump that you are pleased to call a flat.
(Sherlock has curled up sideways in his chair and now lays his head on one of the arms, closing his eyes.)
MYCROFT: You’re a celebrity these days, Sherlock. You can’t afford a drug habit.
SHERLOCK (opening his eyes and looking at him irritatedly): I do not have a drug habit.
(John’s attention is focussed on a large space between Sherlock’s chair and the kitchen. He points.)
JOHN: Hey, what happened to my chair?
SHERLOCK: It was blocking my view to the kitchen.
JOHN (turning to Mycroft): Well, it’s good to be missed(!)
SHERLOCK: Well, you were gone. I saw an opportunity.
JOHN: No, you saw the kitchen.
(Mycroft turns to Anderson.)
MYCROFT: What have you found so far? Clearly nothing.
SHERLOCK: There’s nothing to find.
MYCROFT (turning toward the hallway behind the kitchen): Your bedroom door is shut.
(Sherlock sighs.)
MYCROFT (slowly walking along the hallway): You haven’t been home all night. So, why would a man who has never knowingly closed the door without the direct orders of his mother bother to do so on this occasion?
(Sherlock has raised his head and flipped back his hood while Mycroft progressed. Now Mycroft reaches the door and puts his hand on the door knob. Sherlock hurls himself up into a sitting position.)
SHERLOCK: Okay, stop! Just stop.
(Mycroft turns the knob but doesn’t open the door.)
SHERLOCK: Point made.
JOHN: Jesus, Sherlock.
(Mycroft releases the door knob and comes slowly back along the hall.)
MYCROFT: Have to phone our parents, of course, in Oklahoma.
(Sherlock looks down and closes his eyes.)
MYCROFT: Won’t be the first time that your substance abuse has wreaked havoc with their line-dancing.
(Sighing, Sherlock stands up and walks closer to his brother.)
SHERLOCK: This is not what you think. This is for a case.
MYCROFT: What case could possibly justify this?
SHERLOCK: Magnussen.
(Mycroft’s slight smile drops.)
SHERLOCK: Charles Augustus Magnussen.
(Mycroft draws in a breath and turns to Anderson and Benji.)
MYCROFT: That name you think you may have just heard – you were mistaken. If you ever mention hearing that name in this room, in this context, I guarantee you – on behalf of the British security services – that materials will be found on your computer hard drives resulting in your immediate incarceration. Don’t reply – just look frightened and scuttle.
(Anderson immediately ushers Benji out of the kitchen and follows her onto the landing, closing the door behind him. Mycroft turns back to where John is standing beside Sherlock.)
MYCROFT: I hope I won’t have to threaten you as well.
JOHN: Well, I think we’d both find that embarrassing.
(Sherlock snorts laughter, turning his head away.)
MYCROFT (sternly to Sherlock): Magnussen is not your business.
SHERLOCK (turning back and pointing at his brother): Oh, you mean he’s yours.
MYCROFT: You may consider him under my protection.
SHERLOCK: I consider you under his thumb.
MYCROFT (quietly, ominously): If you go against Magnussen, then you will find yourself going against me.
SHERLOCK (nonchalantly): Okay. I’ll let you know if I notice.
(He strolls towards the kitchen door.)
SHERLOCK: Er, what was I going to say? Oh, yeah.
(He opens the door.)
SHERLOCK: Bye-bye.
(He points the way out. Mycroft walks round him, then turns to face him.)
MYCROFT: Unwise, brother mine.
(Immediately Sherlock seizes Mycroft’s left arm just below the elbow. Twisting his arm up behind his back, he slams his brother face-first against the wall beside the kitchen door. Mycroft cries out in pain. Sherlock breathes rapidly, his voice venomous.)
SHERLOCK: Brother mine, don’t appal me when I’m high.
(John hurries over to Mycroft’s side.)
JOHN (softly but very firmly, watching Sherlock’s face all the time): Mycroft, don’t say another word. Just go. He could snap you in two, and right now I am slightly worried that he might.
(Mycroft pushes himself free of his brother’s grip and holds his left arm in pain. Sherlock turns and walks away. Mycroft turns towards him.)
JOHN (to Mycroft): Don’t speak. Just leave.
(Mycroft lowers his right arm. John looks down towards the floor.)
JOHN: Oh.
(He bends down and picks up Mycroft’s umbrella which he had dropped. Straightening up again, he offers it to him, clearing his throat. Mycroft snatches it from his hand and leaves. In the living room, Sherlock is stretching and rubbing the back of his neck. John turns and walks towards him.)
JOHN: Er, Magnussen?
SHERLOCK: What time is it?
JOHN: About eight.
(Sherlock sniffs deeply and sighs out a disgusted breath.)
SHERLOCK: I’m meeting him in three hours. I need a bath.
(He walks through the kitchen towards the hallway.)
JOHN: It’s for a case, you said?
SHERLOCK: Yep.
JOHN: What sort of case?
SHERLOCK: Too big and dangerous for any sane individual to get involved in.
JOHN: You trying to put me off?
SHERLOCK: God, no.
(With his hand on the knob of the bathroom door, he looks back at John.)
SHERLOCK: Trying to recruit you.
(He gives him a small smile and goes into the bathroom.)
SHERLOCK (offscreen): And stay out of my bedroom.
(The bathroom door closes. John immediately starts to walk across the kitchen towards the bedroom. He has just reached the hallway when the bedroom door opens and a familiar face peers out.)
JANINE: Oh, John, hi.
(Opening the door wider, she laughs in an embarrassed way, pulling down the bottom of the shirt she’s wearing. She’s not wearing anything on her legs.)
JANINE: How are you?
JOHN (staring at her in disbelief): Janine?
JANINE: Sorry. Not dressed.
(She heads towards the kitchen, John standing aside to let her pass.)
JANINE: Has everybody gone? I heard shouting.
JOHN: Yes, they’re gone.
JANINE (looking at her watch): God, look at the time. I’ll be late.
(She goes over to the worktop and picks up a cafetiere.)
JANINE: Sounded like an argument. (She turns to John.) Was it Mike?
JOHN: Mike?
JANINE: Mike, yeah. His brother, Mike. They’re always fighting.
JOHN: Mycroft.
JANINE: Do people actually call him that?!
JOHN: Yeah.
JANINE: Huh! Oh, could you be a love and put some coffee on?
JOHN: ... Sure, right, yeah.
JANINE (heading back towards the hallway): Thanks.
(She stops and put a hand briefly on John’s shoulder.)
JANINE: Ooh, how’s Mary? How’s married life?
JOHN: She’s fine. We’re both fine, yeah.
(He turns and walks towards a cupboard. Janine points in another direction.)
JANINE: Oh, it’s over there now.
(She looks around.)
JANINE: Where’s Sherl?
JOHN (breathing out the name with a bemused look on his face): Sherl!
(Grinning and clearing his throat, he turns back to her.)
JOHN: He’s just having a bath. I’m sure he’ll be out in a minute.
JANINE: Oh, like he ever is!
JOHN: Yeah(!)
(He frowns as if still unable to believe what’s happening, then wanders vaguely towards the cupboard that Janine had indicated. She goes along the hallway and knocks on the bathroom door, immediately opening it and going inside.)
JANINE: Morning! Room for a little one?!
(Offscreen, Sherlock laughs and she giggles while there is much sound of splashing water. John turns and looks along the hallway.)
SHERLOCK (offscreen, as the bathroom door closes): Morning.
(He can be heard chuckling and Janine lets out a high-pitched “Ooh!” John turns away as if wondering what bizarro-world he has fallen into.)

LATER. John is sitting on the edge of the coffee table while Sherlock – wearing black trousers and a white shirt and putting on his jacket – walks across the living room. John has a bemused smile on his face.

SHERLOCK: So – it’s just a guess but you’ve probably got some questions.
JOHN: Yyyyeah, one or two, pretty much.
SHERLOCK: Naturally.
(He turns and looks towards the kitchen. John follows his gaze as Janine – also fully dressed – walks into the bedroom. Smiling, Sherlock sits down.)
JOHN: You have a girlfriend?
SHERLOCK (glancing towards him): Yes, I have.
(John grins. Sherlock looks towards the bedroom again, then turns to John, looking more serious.)
SHERLOCK: Now, Magnussen. Magnussen is like a shark – it’s the only way I can describe him. Have you ever been to the shark tank at the London Aquarium, John – stood up close to the glass? Those floating flat faces, those dead eyes ... That’s what he is. I’ve dealt with murderers, psychopaths, terrorists, serial killers. None of them can turn my stomach like Charles Augustus Magnussen.
JOHN: Yes, you have.
SHERLOCK: Sorry, what?
JOHN: You have a girlfriend.
SHERLOCK: What? Yes! Yes, I’m going out with Janine. I thought that was fairly obvious.
JOHN: Yes. Well ... yes. (He clears his throat loudly.) But I mean you, you, you ... are in a relationship?
(Sherlock blinks at him.)
SHERLOCK: Yes, I am.
JOHN: You and Janine?
SHERLOCK: Mmm, yes. Me and Janine.
JOHN: Care to elaborate?
(Sherlock draws in a long breath and looks up thoughtfully, then puffs out his cheeks as he breathes out again.)
SHERLOCK: Well, we’re in a good place. It’s, um ... (he looks down thoughtfully, then turns to John) ... very affirming.
(He smiles at him. John points back at him.)
JOHN: You got that from a book.
SHERLOCK: Everyone got that from a book.
(John looks round and smiles as Janine comes into the room.)
JANINE: Okay, you two bad boys, behave yourselves.
(Sherlock smiles happily at her as she sits down on the arm of his chair. He puts his arm round her as she turns and leans close to his face.)
JANINE: And you, Sherl, you’re gonna have to tell me where you were last night.
SHERLOCK: Working.
(John stares at them.)
JANINE: “Working.” Of course. I’m the only one who really knows what you’re like, remember?
SHERLOCK (softly): Don’t you go letting on.
(He gently runs his finger down the tip of her nose, then lays his hand on her arm. They stare deeply into each other’s eyes. John grins, apparently still unable to believe what he’s seeing.)
JANINE (softly): I might just, actually.
(She tears her eyes away from Sherlock and looks across to John, as does Sherlock.)
JANINE: I haven’t told Mary about this. I kind of wanted to surprise her.
JOHN: Yeah, you probably will.
JANINE: But we should have you two over for dinner really soon!
SHERLOCK: Yeah!
JANINE: My place, though – not the scuzz-dump!
(She punches Sherlock affectionately on the shoulder and they both laugh.)
JOHN: Great, yeah! Dinner! Yeah.
JANINE (standing up): Oh, I’d better dash. It was brilliant to see you!
JOHN (also standing): You too.
(He turns and watches while Sherlock escorts Janine to the living room door and opens it for her.)
SHERLOCK: Have a lovely day. Call me later.
(She turns back to him and fiddles with the edge of his jacket.)
JANINE (teasingly): I might do. I might call you – unless I meet someone prettier(!)
(They kiss, while John quickly turns away with his mouth in a startled ‘Ohhh!’ shape. As the other two continue to kiss noisily, he stares pointedly towards the window, but then gives an approving nod. Janine pulls back a little and whispers softly to Sherlock, their noses still touching.)
JANINE: Solve me a crime, Sherlock Holmes.
(Grinning, she turns and leaves the room. Sherlock smiles as he watches her go ... and then his smile abruptly drops and he closes the door. He walks back across the room.)
SHERLOCK: You know Magnussen as a newspaper owner, but he’s so much more than that.
(John frowns at him.)
SHERLOCK: He uses his power and wealth to gain information. The more he acquires, the greater his wealth and power.
(He sits down at the dining table and opens his laptop.)
SHERLOCK: I’m not exaggerating when I say that he knows the critical pressure point on every person of note or influence in the whole of the Western world and probably beyond. He is the Napoleon of blackmail ...
(He pulls up a photograph of Magnussen’s home, together with a blueprint of the building.)
SHERLOCK: ... and he has created an unassailable architecture of forbidden knowledge. Its name ...
(He turns the laptop to show the screen to John.)
SHERLOCK: ... is Appledore.
JOHN: Dinner.
SHERLOCK: Sorry, what, dinner?
JOHN: Me and Mary, coming for dinner ... with ... wine and ... sitting.
(Sherlock turns and stares at him for a moment.)
SHERLOCK: Seriously? I’ve just told you that the Western world is run from this house ... (he points at the screen) ... and you want to talk about dinner?
JOHN: Fine, talk about the house.
(Sherlock throws him a look, then turns back to his laptop while John looks towards the door as if he still can’t believe what he just witnessed, but eventually he turns back.)
SHERLOCK: It is the greatest repository of sensitive and dangerous information anywhere in the world ... (he looks over his shoulder at John) ... the Alexandrian Library of secrets and scandals – and none of it is on a computer. He’s smart – computers can be hacked. It’s all on hard copy in vaults ... (he points at the rotating blueprint on the screen) ... underneath that house; and as long as it is, the personal freedom of anyone you’ve ever met is a fantasy.
(There’s a knock on the living room door, followed by Mrs Hudson’s familiar, “Ooh-ooh!” The door opens and she comes in.)
MRS HUDSON (pointing back down the stairs): Oh, that was the doorbell. Couldn’t you hear it?
SHERLOCK: It’s in the fridge. It kept ringing.
MRS HUDSON: Oh, that’s not a fault, Sherlock!
JOHN: Who is it?
(Mrs Hudson draws in an anxious breath.
Shortly afterwards she goes down the stairs to the bottom.)

MRS HUDSON: Mr Holmes said you can go right up.
(She looks nervously at whoever is waiting in the hall. We can’t immediately see who they are but she’s clearly frightened by them because she flattens herself against the wall and almost cringes as three men in dark suits walk up the stairs. Your transcriber remembers the last time men in dark suits were in her house, and wibbles on her behalf.
As a fourth person walks towards the stairs, we are looking through his eyes. He can see not only Mrs H but information about her, which reads:


MARTHA LOUISE HUDSON
(née SISSONS)

LANDLADY
WIDOW (SEE FILE)
SEMI-REFORMED ALCOHOLIC
FORMER “EXOTIC DANCER”
(SEE FILE)
FINANCES: 21% DEBT
(SEE FILE)
STATUS: UNIMPORTANT

and underneath, flashing in red:

PRESSURE POINT: >
MARIJUANA

Upstairs, the three men – clearly security men, all wearing earpieces – walk into the living room. Sherlock, now standing by the fireside with John, sighs and unfolds his arms.)
SHERLOCK (mock-wearily): Oh, go ahead.
(He spread his arms and allows one of the goons to frisk him. Another one walks over to John while the third generally looks round the room.)
SECURITY MAN (to John): Sir?
(John glances over to Sherlock, then looks back to the man.)
JOHN: Can I have a moment?
(Sherlock lowers his arms from his frisking and looks across to the man.)
SHERLOCK: Oh, he’s fine.
(The man glances at Sherlock, then kneels down in front of John and starts frisking him.)
JOHN: Er, I ... right. I should probably tell you ...
(The man reaches into John’s jacket pocket and takes out Bill’s flick-knife.)
JOHN: Okay, I ... (he points to the knife) ... That.
(The man pulls John’s jacket open.)
JOHN: And ...
(The man stands up, holding the tyre lever he has just taken from John’s jeans and looking at him sternly. Sherlock looks startled. John steps closer to the man and speaks confidentially.)
JOHN: Doesn’t mean I’m not pleased to see you.
(The man does not look amused.)
SHERLOCK: I can vouch for this man. He’s a doctor. If you know who I am, then you know who he is ...
(He turns his head towards the door as Magnussen walks in and stops just inside the doorway.)
SHERLOCK: ... don’t you, Mr Magnussen?
(John’s security man steps to John’s side and faces his boss while the other one stands at Sherlock’s side and the third waits in the kitchen.)
SHERLOCK (to Magnussen): I understood we were meeting at your office.
(Magnussen looks round the room for a moment.)
MAGNUSSEN: This is my office.
(He walks slowly towards the sofa, then stops and turns to look at John. Information appears in front of his eyes:

JOHN HAMISH WATSON
AFGHANISTAN VETERAN (SEE FILE)
G.P. (SEE FILE)
PORN PREFERENCE: NORMAL
FINANCES: 10% DEBT (SEE FILE)
STATUS UNIMPORTANT

then, in flashing red underneath:

PRESSURE POINT: > HARRY WATSON (SISTER) ALCOHOLIC
MARY MORSTAN (WIFE)

MAGNUSSEN: Well, it is now.
(He continues on to the dining table, picks up a newspaper from it and then goes back and sits down on the sofa.)

SHERLOCK: Mr Magnussen, I have been asked to intercede with you by Lady Elizabeth Smallwood on the matter of her husband’s letters.
(Magnussen appears to have been ignoring him, paying more attention to what seems to be the uncomfortableness of the sofa. Now he looks at the newspaper in his hand.)
SHERLOCK: Some time ago you ... put pressure on her concerning those letters.
(Magnussen looks up at him, leaning back on the sofa.)
SHERLOCK: She would like those letters back.
(Magnussen looks at him silently as he continues speaking, and information appears in front of his eyes:

SHERLOCK HOLMES
CONSULTING DETECTIVE
PORN PREFERENCE: NORMAL
[Your transcriber does a spit-take, narrowly missing her computer screen.]
FINANCES: UNKNOWN
BROTHER: MYCROFT HOLMES
M.I.6 (SEE FILE)
OFFICIALLY DECEASED 2011-2013

and underneath in red:

PRESSURE POINT:
IRENE ADLER (SEE FILE)
JIM MORIARTY (SEE FILE)
REDBEARD (SEE FILE)
HOUNDS OF THE BASKERVILLE
OPIUM
JOHN WATSON

The list of pressure points cycles round several times.)
SHERLOCK: Obviously the letters no longer have any practical use to you, so with that in mind ...
(He breaks off, perhaps noticing something about Magnussen’s expression. Magnussen gives a quiet snort.)
SHERLOCK (letting out an exasperated huff of air): Something I said?
MAGNUSSEN: No, no. I-I was reading.
(He adjusts his glasses, the red list of pressure points cycling more quickly.)
MAGNUSSEN: There’s rather a lot.
(Sherlock frowns. In front of Magnussen’s eyes, the white list of information vanishes and the red list cycles rapidly.)
MAGNUSSEN: “Redbeard.”
(Sherlock blinks and his mouth opens slightly.)
MAGNUSSEN: Sorry. (He shakes his head.) S-sorry. You were probably talking?
SHERLOCK: I ...
(He pauses for a long moment, then clears his throat.)
SHERLOCK: I was trying to explain that I’ve been asked to act on behalf of ...
(Magnussen turns his head to the security man beside John.)
MAGNUSSEN: Bathroom?
SECURITY MAN (nodding to his right): Along from the kitchen, sir.
MAGNUSSEN: Okay.
SHERLOCK (more firmly): I’ve been asked to negotiate the return of those letters.
(Magnussen takes off his glasses and looks towards the window.)
SHERLOCK: I’m aware you do not make copies of sensitive documents ...
MAGNUSSEN (gesturing around the living room): Is it like the rest of the flat?
(He looks at the security man.)
SECURITY MAN: Sir?
MAGNUSSEN: The bathroom?
SECURITY MAN: Er, yes, sir.
MAGNUSSEN: Maybe not, then.
SHERLOCK: Am I acceptable to you as an intermediary?
(Magnussen meets his eyes for a moment, then looks towards the window again.)
MAGNUSSEN: Lady Elizabeth Smallwood. I like her.
(He turns his eyes towards Sherlock and pops his lips a couple of times.)
SHERLOCK: Mr Magnussen, am I acceptable to you as an intermediary?
MAGNUSSEN: She’s English, with a spine.
(He lifts his right foot and puts it against the side of the coffee table, then pushes the table away from him. Sherlock frowns slightly. Magnussen stands up and, beside Sherlock, the second security man turns and steps forward to the fireplace, taking the fire guard away from the front of the unlit fire. Sherlock glances over his shoulder.)
MAGNUSSEN: Best thing about the English ...
(He walks over to Sherlock and John and looks at them one after the other.)
MAGNUSSEN: ... you’re so domesticated. All standing around, apologising ...
(He nods to Sherlock and then walks in between him and John towards the fireplace.)
MAGNUSSEN: ... keeping your little heads down.
(He stands in front of the fireplace, facing it. The sound of him unzipping his trousers can be heard.)
MAGNUSSEN: You can do what you like here. No-one’s ever going to stop you.
(He looks down and the sound of him urinating into the fireplace can be heard. John blinks as if appalled and half-turns his head towards him. Sherlock keeps his head facing forward, his eyes fixed on the opposite wall.)
MAGNUSSEN (continuing to urinate): A nation of herbivores.
(He half-glances over his shoulder.)
MAGNUSSEN: I’ve interests all over the world but, er, everything starts in England.
(He looks down again as the last of his urine splashes on the grate in front of the fire.)
MAGNUSSEN: If it works here ...
(He jiggles up and down as he ‘shakes off’ and then zips up his trousers.)
MAGNUSSEN: ... I’ll try it in a real country.
(Looking at himself in the mirror for a moment, he turns and strolls back in between the boys. The security guard beside John holds out a packet of wet wipes and Magnussen takes one and turns to face the others.)
MAGNUSSEN: The United Kingdom, huh? (He starts to wipe his fingers.) Petri dish to the Western world.
(He looks at Sherlock briefly.)
MAGNUSSEN: Tell Lady Elizabeth I might need those letters, so I’m keeping them.
(Finishing wiping his fingers, he drops the wet wipe to the floor.)
MAGNUSSEN: Goodbye.
(He turns as if to leave, then turns back and put his hand into his jacket’s inside breast pocket.)
MAGNUSSEN: Anyway ...
(He chuckles and pulls out the edge of a packet of documents to show Sherlock.)
MAGNUSSEN: ... they’re funny.
(Smirking, he tucks the packet back into his jacket and leaves the room. The security men follow him. As the sound of their feet can be heard clattering down the stairs, John takes a step forward.)
JOHN (furiously): Jesus!
SHERLOCK: Did you notice the one extraordinary thing he did?
JOHN: Wh... There was a moment that kind of stuck in the mind, yeah.
(He gestures towards the fireplace but Sherlock is smiling, having not noticed him.)
SHERLOCK: Exactly – when he showed us the letters.
(He walks across the room, still smiling, while John closes his eyes in disbelief.)
JOHN: ... Okay.
SHERLOCK: So he’s brought the letters to London – so no matter what he says, he’s ready to make a deal. Now, Magnussen only makes a deal once he’s established a person’s weaknesses – the ‘pressure point,’ he calls it.
(He picks up his coat from a dining chair and puts it on.)
SHERLOCK: So, clearly he believes I’m a drug addict and no serious threat.
(He looks out of the window to where one of the security guards is closing the rear door of a car parked outside.)
SHERLOCK (turning back and gesturing enthusiastically): And, of course, because he’s in town tonight, the letters will be in his safe in his London office while he’s out to dinner with the Marketing Group of Great Britain from seven ’til ten.
JOHN: How-how do you know his schedule?
SHERLOCK: Because I do. Right – I’ll see you tonight. I’ve got some shopping to do.
(He heads out the door and down the stairs.)
JOHN (calling after him): What’s tonight?
SHERLOCK (calling up the stairs): I’ll text instructions.
JOHN (loudly): Yeah, I’ll text you if I’m available.
SHERLOCK: You are! I checked!
(Looking exasperated, John heads for the door.)


On to part 2


Comments 
14th-Jan-2014 04:53 pm (UTC)
"SHERLOCK HOLMES
CONSULTING DETECTIVE
PORN PREFERENCE: NORMAL
[Your transcriber does a spit-take, narrowly missing her computer screen.]"

Ahahaha. If only it were possible to harness, for the purposes of hydroelectric power, all those spit-takes from fanfolk when this scene came on. A pity to see all our contributions go to waste.

Can anyone explain to me why we don't see anything on Mrs. Hudson's porn preferences? Mind you, if I were able to just barge in on Sherlock teaching John ballroom dancing (complete with how to dip) whenever I wanted to, I'm not sure I'd need porn.

Fabulous work, as always, Ari.
14th-Jan-2014 06:11 pm (UTC) - Thinking of Janine, no doubt while doing internet searches
Anonymous
I believe Sherlock "may" have been searching standard porn sites for possible advice on carrying on a relationship with his new girlfriend, and that is what Magnussen has picked up on, no?

- keeping slash goggles firmly on!
porn preferences - Anonymous - Expand
14th-Jan-2014 04:54 pm (UTC)
As always, my very grateful thanks to you for doing this.

One of my favourites lines from John:

"Yeah, it’s a sprain. I’m a doctor – I know how to sprain people."

14th-Jan-2014 06:39 pm (UTC)
Wondrous!! Just a third of the way thru, & I've learned so many new facts...

(To be fair, the first one I learned prior to reading the transcript, but after watching the episode TWICE, I STILL thought Molly had said Sherlock was clean - not clean?! Which then took a lot of random explanation from MY head after the fact to explain why Molly was slapping him, why Sherlock told Mycroft he was high, but I, of course, DID explain all those things to myself until I learned the truth. Which made MUCH more sense...)

SHERLOCK (for it is he):

I laughed and laughed!! This just struck me as the funniest aside ever!!

MYCROFT: Have to phone our parents, of course, in Oklahoma.

I apologize in advance to any other commenter who may have been raised in Oklahoma, but is there an Oklahoma in England, b'c no-one but NO ONE goes to Oklahoma in the states on purpose.

But seriously.

JOHN: You got that from a book.
SHERLOCK:
Everyone got that from a book.

I listened to that a million, trillion times. It didn't matter. I could not figure out what Sherlock said.

And yet something else - I did not know that 'herbal soothers' was a euphemism for marijuana. I thought it was similar to Ativan or something. My drug knowledge is sorely lacking.

PORN PREFERENCE: NORMAL
[Your transcriber does a spit-take, narrowly missing her computer screen.]

I wouldn't have thought Sherlock WATCHED porn, let alone had a preference...

And what is with Mycroft, Magnussen, anyone else for that matter that thinks there is something 'strange' or bizarre' about Sherlock's reaction to Redbeard? Without going into the specifics, I feel like his reaction was perfectly normal, and anyone noting it after the fact is the strange one. (JMO, but seriously, what's WITH these people?) There are loads of things that Sherlock does (that don't bother me) but I'd certainly realize are quirky, say, or rude, strange, whathaveyou. This is not one of them.

Yes, that bugs the living shit out of me. Why do you ask?

Thanks so very, very much for getting this up so quickly!!
14th-Jan-2014 10:34 pm (UTC)
Anonymous
Haha well remember in " A scandal in Belgravia" (I think it was) Sherlock says he uses johns laptop to look at naked woman xD
14th-Jan-2014 07:40 pm (UTC)
Anonymous
Thank you very much for doing this. It's great (like always) and made my day. I've been so curious about this episode but I fell asleep while watching it. Now I got the beginning at least, which includes two of my favourite stories of Sherlock Holmes ("The Man with the Twisted Lip" and, best of all, well, nearly best, "Charles Augustus Milverton")
I'm really grateful. It helps so much to understand what they're talking, especially to understand what Sherlock says.
Doesn't Sherlock Holmes in the original stories has a homeless boy or a servant who's also called Billy?
15th-Jan-2014 01:24 pm (UTC)
Anonymous
He had "Wiggins" who was the head of Holmes "Baker Street Irregulars", but wasn't given a first name in the stories.

Later, he had "Billy" who was his page, and mostly appeared in ACD's plays.
one mention of him by Watson:
"Finally, his eyes came round to the fresh and smiling face of Billy, the young but very wise and tactful page, who had helped a little to fill up the gap of loneliness and isolation which surrounded the saturnine figure of the great detective." (The Adventure of the Mazarin Stone)
14th-Jan-2014 09:08 pm (UTC)
Lovely, as ever.

One small thing: when Mycroft says he has to phone their parents, I understood it not as "in Oklahoma", but as "in 'Oklahoma!'", the American musical, since Mycroft says it will upet their line-dancing. We know from TEH that both Mr and Mrs Holmes have a soft spot for musicals, so I wouldn't be surprised if they were amateur comedians as well.
14th-Jan-2014 09:42 pm (UTC)
OMG!!

That makes so much more sense than the Holmes traveling to Oklahoma. I had already posted that above but, honestly, I live in the states and never in my life has someone uttered the phrase to me: I'm going to Oklahoma b'c... (I mean, I realize that people live there. I've just never met them...)

Of course, I have a strong East Coast bias, so.

But, anyway, your explanation is BRILLIANT b'c having seen Les Mis, there's no reason that they wouldn't not only be interested in other musicals, but take part in them as well. (Sherlock could easily have picked up his love of dancing from his parents...)

I bow down to your wisdom!

ETA: Of course, since they're supposedly line dancing, that would have to be The Farmer and The Cowman & the notion of Sherlock's parents dancing in those costumes is too, too funny!!

Edited at 2014-01-14 09:46 pm (UTC)
15th-Jan-2014 12:17 am (UTC)
Thanks for this transcript. So useful! :D
15th-Jan-2014 10:24 am (UTC)
Thanks so much to you and your team for doing all this, once again. It's not only immensely useful to all the humble fic writers but also enlightening and much fun to read.

Thank you!
15th-Jan-2014 04:59 pm (UTC) - Thank-you
Anonymous
Thank-you a million times...really!
15th-Jan-2014 07:04 pm (UTC) - gratitude
Anonymous
this transcript was very helpful.like i can see the scenes running before my eyes.excellent.
15th-Jan-2014 08:14 pm (UTC) - Thank you, and link error?
Anonymous
Want to thank you for the transcript - it really helps me understand what's going on.

Just want to bring to your attention that the link for "On to part 2" is not working - it goes to this page: http://arianedevere.livejournal.com/-----.html

or maybe there isn't part 2 just yet?
15th-Jan-2014 09:54 pm (UTC) - Re: Thank you, and link error?
As it currently says beside the link, "going live soon"! I'm typing as fast as I can - please be patient!
16th-Jan-2014 02:43 am (UTC)
Thank you. Awesome. I can usually follow the dialog, but this time around there were a few mumbles. I'm waiting to see exactly what John and Mary said to each other after they make up. Something about mowing the sodding lawn, then I got nothing, then John is not allowed to name the baby. LOL.
17th-Jan-2014 04:18 am (UTC)
This episode was so awesomely insane on so many levels. :-) What I thought was quite interesting is how John is considered to be one of Sherlock's "pressure points," whereas Sherlock is not one of Johns... but I personally don't think it's because he doesn't care like people keep saying, but I think it's because of how John truly sees him. Even though he talks to Sherlock as if he's his mother sometimes, he still looks up to Sherlock knowing that he always comes up with something, always thinks of something, and always solves the problem, and he relies on that. He doesn't believe he ever has to worry about Sherlock because he knows Sherlock will always find a way out... even when he's dead. So he doesn't worry about Sherlock, therefore Sherlock can't be a pressure point to be held against him. I think that's pretty awesome. :-)
17th-Jan-2014 08:30 am (UTC) - I still don't get it :-(
Your transcripts always made everything beautifully clear, but this time I still don't understand one thing. I mean John's shirt. So John got out of bed, opened the door, let Isaac's mum in, got dressed and went off to get Isaac - by car. And later Billy and Sherlock deduce from John's shirt that he bicycles to work???? He well might as a rule, but not on this particular day. He put on the shirt while still at home and later was going by car. Did he bike to work earlier, got back, undressed, went back to bed and later put on the same shirt? Or are the creases from the day before? If so, what this shirt is made from, if the two creases - and only the two creases - are still visible next day? And which newly married man wears the same shirt for two days?
No, I just don't get.

Anyway, thank you for the transcripts! There are the second best thing in the universe - your comments are the first!
17th-Jan-2014 10:13 am (UTC) - Re: I still don't get it :-(
That puzzled me as well. John is wearing a grey shirt in the lab, but in Bill's flashback deduction of John packing a shirt into a backpack, he's wearing a red one. That would only make sense if he had got dressed and cycled to work after talking with Kate, and then had a shower at work, got changed, did some work at the surgery, came home to pick up the car and then went to fetch Isaac. But there's no way he would have left Isaac all that time, and anyway Mary is still in her night clothes when they go to the crack den, so it's fairly obvious that they went straight to the den after talking with Kate.

I suppose the implication is that Bill's deduction is a general one, i.e. he's just having a 'general' flashback of what John does every normal working day. He does say that John folds all his shirts (rather than keeping them on hangers), so it makes sense that the shirt which John put on that morning would have creases in it.

It's a bit of a stretch that either Bill or Sherlock should deduce that John cycles to work, based only on folded shirts and the way he walks, but then many of the deductions in this series are a bit of a stretch!
22nd-Jan-2014 09:11 am (UTC) - USB drive comment
This is a note to the person who put a comment here about a USB drive.

I have deleted your comment only because you put it on the wrong page, and it gives spoilers for a later part of the episode. Some readers may actually not have seen all the episode when they read this part of the transcript and look through the comments. Unfortunately Livejournal doesn't allow me to move your comment to the correct page.

If you would like to repost your comment in part 3 of this episode, I'll happily unscreen it that time!

Ari
22nd-Jan-2014 09:05 pm (UTC)
THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! As a fic author, this transcript has been tremendously helpful!
4th-Feb-2014 05:49 pm (UTC) - Third member of drugs search party - where did he go?
Anonymous
When Sherlock, John and Mycroft, enter the flat we see Anderson and Benji looking for drugs. There is also a "third member" of the drugs team. He is bearded and wearing a striped jumper. He's also sitting in Sherlock's chair. When Sherlock storms into the room, this man jumps up and exist right. When Mycroft tells Anderson and Benji to scuttle, the third member of the team is nowhere to be seen. Editing error or am I blind?
4th-Feb-2014 08:37 pm (UTC) - Re: Third member of drugs search party - where did he go?
I know - it's weird, he just vanishes! I mean, Sherlock may well have given him the most terrifying glare as he walked towards the chair, but you'd still expect him to scuttle into the kitchen and join the others, but apparently Sherlock scares him so much that he just scurries off down the stairs and throws himself in front of a taxi or something!

Maybe the guy was a friend of one of the production team and was allowed a moment of fame provided he wasn't on camera for too long!
5th-Feb-2014 06:25 pm (UTC)
Anonymous
First of all, thanks a billion for this transcript! Watching the series as a non-native, it was more than helpful with some of the more markedly British mumbles. Really, i don't know how you actually manage to catch EVERY syllable.

A small note on the scene in the crack-house: The kid raising his hand sluggishly upon John's calling for Isaac is Isaac.
I doubt seriously high crackheads would be aware enough of their surroundings to help out the doctor in his noble search...
Don't mind if you don't bother to change it, just thought i'll point it out given your transcripts are so unbelievably meticulous.

Again, thank you for this work of incredible dedication and attention to detail.
5th-Feb-2014 07:46 pm (UTC)
No, you're absolutely right, and I've changed it. Thanks for pointing it out, and for your kind comments.
15th-Feb-2014 11:54 pm (UTC) - Wonderful! Here's a tiny thing
Anonymous
I love how you've done this - wonderful! I just watched the episode again, this time with your script, and found I caught even more than I had the first few (okay 6) times I saw it. A treat! Thanks so much for you and your team's hard work! Here's the small thing: when Mrs. Hudson gets exasperated when Sherlock tells her he put the bell in the fridge because it kept ringing, I believe she's saying "Oh, that’s not a vault, Sherlock!", rather than a "fault", meaning the fridge. Needless to say, since that's all I noticed, you've done an amazing job! You seemed to have nailed it all, right down to the nonverbals and the atmosphere of the episode - very well done, and much appreciated!
16th-Feb-2014 12:49 am (UTC) - Re: Wonderful! Here's a tiny thing
Thanks for your kind comments. However, I can't agree with your suggestion. I do think it's 'fault', because Sherlock has just said that the doorbell 'keeps ringing' and he is therefore behaving as if there's something wrong with the bell.

Edited at 2014-02-16 12:52 am (UTC)
21st-Feb-2014 04:59 am (UTC) - Various
Re the section:
MAGNUSSEN: You want to hit me now? Could you, still? You’re an old lady now. Perhaps you should settle for calling someone.

What I heard was "You're a lady now." (no "old)
In recent years, the former gymnast has married Lord Smallwood, plus become some type of Government Minister, so she has become a Lady in the high-society sense. Re "could you still?" means to slap a man's face in, like some blue-collar woman would do, is no longer an option (well, not without causing scandal).

Also don't understand readers' remarks re Oklahoma. Sherlock's fictitious parents are of retirement age and are not actors; in fact, she was a brilliant mathematician in her youth. They are enjoying retirement by traveling the world and are currently in the state of Oklahoma, where the country-western "line dancing" activity is still in vogue. This has nothing to do with the musical "Oklahoma."

Also, re:
SHERLOCK: I can vouch for this man. He’s a doctor. If you know who I am, then you know who he is ... don’t you, Mr Magnussen?

What I heard was (no "if"): "... doctor. You know who I am and you know who he is ... don't you, Mr. Magnussen?"
Although the exchange works fine either way it's written.

Just love all these transcripts and the extensive descriptive text, which makes scenes come back to life before my eyes. Appreciate all your hard work!
21st-Feb-2014 11:39 am (UTC) - Re: Various
What I heard was "You're a lady now." (no "old)

What I and my team heard was "You're an old lady now," which is why it's in the transcript. I and the Team discussed that line at length.

Re "could you still?" means to slap a man's face in, like some blue-collar woman would do, is no longer an option (well, not without causing scandal).

In your opinion. This is not stated in the episode.

This has nothing to do with the musical "Oklahoma."

In your opinion. This is not stated in the episode. Readers' views on the writer's choice to use Oklahoma vary. So far, to the best of my knowledge, Steven Moffat has not spoken about why he picked that particular name, and therefore all views and opinions and theories are equally valid.

What I heard was (no "if"): "... doctor. You know who I am and you know who he is ... don't you, Mr. Magnussen?"

What I heard was: "... doctor. If you know who I am, then you know who he is ... don't you, Mr. Magnussen?" which is why it's in the transcript. I don't recall whether my team and I had a discussion about this line.

Although the exchange works fine either way it's written.

So glad you approve.

Appreciate all your hard work!

Super. Love all the criticism.
14th-Mar-2014 02:35 pm (UTC) - Oklahoma and the Holmes
Anonymous
I live in Oklahoma and people really do holiday here. Though I believe the Holmes came to visit relatives. Line Dancing is everywhere. 50 people on the floor all doing the same steps, it's fun. Teens to people in their 90's. I can just see Sherlock's Mom, on the floor in cowboy boots. Lol.... While her husband drinks a beer at the table.

Thanks so much for clearing the sentences. I listened over and over and could not understand all the lines.
10th-Feb-2015 04:59 pm (UTC) - hounds on Magnussen's list of Sherlock's weaknesses?
Anonymous
Hello. How do you understand this pressure point of Sherlock's, "hounds of the Baskerville"? Why THE Baskerville when it's a place name, did somebody in the team just made a mistake under the influence of Doyle's title? And, is that really a pressure point? Shorthand for "he doesn't handle intoxication well", maybe? Thank you for any answers.
11th-Feb-2015 09:20 am (UTC) - Re: hounds on Magnussen's list of Sherlock's weaknesses?
I think it's a mistake by the production team. I'm very aware of how careless they are with, for example, the newspaper articles which are full of spelling mistakes and terrible English. I suspect that the script may have said, "Insert a list of pressure points here," or maybe Moffat put in a few suggestions and hoped that the team would pad the list out. Instead, they put in only six items and then repeated them continually, apparently hoping that nobody in the viewing audience would notice. It certainly makes no sense for Magnussen to say, "I was reading ... There's rather a lot," when there are only six items on the list.

So, yes, I think that putting, "Hounds of the Baskerville" was a mistake, either by Moffat or by the production team, accidentally citing the original Doyle title instead of the Season 2 episode title, and nobody noticed the error.
26th-Apr-2015 03:31 pm (UTC) - Janine
Anonymous
JANINE: “Working”. Of course. I’m the only one who really knows what you’re like, remember?
SHERLOCK (softly): Don’t you go letting on.

I guess Janine said "you" and not "you're". She may have been referring to how Sherlock likes dancing, and she's the only one who knows about that.
27th-Apr-2015 10:32 am (UTC) - Re: Janine
Personally, I don't think so. I think she said, "... what you're like," which is why it's in the transcript. As someone who's been dating him for a while (it's never made clear how long, but it's long enough for her to be staying overnight and knowing that Sherlock and Mycroft are 'always fighting'), then like any girlfriend she believes that she knows Sherlock better than anyone else.
Re: Janine - Anonymous - Expand
27th-Jul-2015 01:35 am (UTC) - How much does Janine know and what does she do with the info?
SHERLOCK (turning back and gesturing enthusiastically): And, of course, because he’s in town tonight, the letters will be in his safe in his London office while he’s out to dinner with the Marketing Group of Great Britain from seven ’til ten.
JOHN: How-how do you know his schedule?
SHERLOCK: Because I do.
-----------------------

Obviously, Sherlock got this information from Janine. As it turns out, the information is incorrect. So did Magnussen change his plans? Or did Janine intentionally give Sherlock incorrect information and if so, why?

Or... Janine was in the bedroom. Sherlock and Mycroft were in the living room, yelling at each other about Magnussen. He's Janine's boss, so his name would be familiar and would catch her ear. And Sherlock in particular has a deep, carrying voice. How could Janine have *not* realized that whatever they were yelling about had something to do with Magnussen? Would that make her suspicious of Sherlock's motives? Might it cause her to warn Magnussen?

I'm still trying to figure Janine out.

21st-Sep-2015 07:54 pm (UTC)
Anonymous
SHERLOCK: He always corrects it. He’s OCD. Doesn’t even know he’s doing it.

Should be "he has OCD".
22nd-Sep-2015 08:26 am (UTC)
Technically speaking, that's what he should say, but he definitely says, "He's OCD." I've heard other people use a similar phrase. If anything, Moffat should have realised that Sherlock would speak more precisely and accurately and shouldn't have given him such 'slang' terminology to use. No doubt he would argue that Sherlock was still in 'Shezza' mode and was speaking more casually than usual.
3rd-Oct-2015 06:51 am (UTC) - "percolator"
Anonymous
Just a quick little edit/tidbit:

JANINE (looking at her watch): God, look at the time. I’ll be late.
(She goes over to the worktop and picks up a coffee percolator.)


That's actually a french press. It can be used to make coffee or tea.
Percolators have a heating element that continuously cycling the water through the grounds. A french press: you put the coffee grounds/loose whole tea leaves in, pour boiling water over it, fix the top on which has a strainer in it. After the coffe/tea has brewed to the desired strength you slowly plunge down the strainer.

Picture!: http://coffee.gurus.net/wp-content/uploads/2010/01/howtofrenchpress.jpg

I'm a bit of a brewed beverage nerd, so that sort of bugs me a bit.
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