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Ariane DeVere
Sherlock fic: Crisis 
9th-Oct-2010 07:28 pm
Sherlock - lick here
Title: Crisis
Author: Ariane DeVere
Rating: PG-13 for bad language
Characters: John, Sherlock
Warnings: (a) Angst; (b) it’s an Ariane DeVere fic and may well be crap.
Wordcount: 370-ish
Spoilers: Major spoiler for The Blind Banker
Disclaimer: Sherlock belongs to way more powerful and wealthy people than me.



My first time with Sherlock fic, God help the poor buggers. I really wanted this to be a 221B fic (221 words, with the final word beginning with a ‘b’) but my evil plotbunny wouldn’t let me edit it down enough, and so either the evil plotbunny gave me far too much food for thought, or I’ve been rambling on and on and on again and didn’t know how to shut up – again.


The gun cocks and Shan tells him, “Not blank bullets now,” and John thinks, ‘They weren’t blank bullets before, lady; the gun was empty,’ but it’s really not the time to be correcting her English, and she’s pointing the thing so close to his head and her finger is so tight on the trigger and he wants to be noble and heroic in the moments before death but why can he smell sand and why can he hear sand blowing across the floor of the tunnel, and why is there sand in the back of his throat and why is his shoulder screaming in pain, and how can the muzzle on such a tiny pistol be so fucking huge, and he wants to be brave for Sarah because she’s looking at him with terror and dread and disappointment, more than anything disappointment, but he can’t stop himself cowering away from the gun and thinking how unfair it is and how nobody should have to be repeating that please-God-let-me-live mantra inside their head twice in their life and who wants to die in a bloody tunnel anyway and he rolls over onto his side and pulls his knees up to his chest and realises that he’s in his own bed and that this is the fourth night running that he has relived the sodding experience and his heart is pounding and the sand is still in the back of his throat and the tears are flowing and he turns his face into his pillow and sobs.

Outside the door where he has been standing since the whimpering began three minutes ago, Sherlock clenches and unclenches his fists rhythmically and furiously as he despises himself for not knowing what to do or how to help, and as the muffled sobbing starts he turns and silently retreats to the living room where he paces frenetically until he realises that he has no bloody choice and even though he would rather throw it through the window than do this, he picks up the phone and scrolls through the menu to find the one person who he knows can provide the help he needs and, with his face full of self-loathing, he angrily stabs his finger onto the button which will call his brother.

~~~~~~

Ooh, hang on – have I just invented a new form of 221B fic? 2 sentences, 2 paragraphs and 1 ‘b’ word at the end. There y’go – a 221B. Who said it couldn’t be done? ;-)



Comments 
(Deleted comment)
11th-Oct-2010 01:48 pm (UTC)
Thank you. I'm glad it wasn't just me who was peeved about the blank bullets bit!
9th-Oct-2010 07:26 pm (UTC)
‘They weren’t blank bullets before, lady; the gun was empty,’

Thank you! I keep saying the same thing myself to the screen.

370 words. Two sentences. Holy crap. And I didn't even notice it was only two super-long sentences until you pointed it out, so well done you for making run-on sentences that don't feel wrong.
11th-Oct-2010 01:49 pm (UTC)
Thank you for commenting! I'm relieved that the long sentences worked.

I'm glad I'm not the only one who frowns in disapproval every time I hear Shan say that line!

Edited at 2010-10-11 02:02 pm (UTC)
9th-Oct-2010 10:33 pm (UTC)
Well-written excellent stream of consciousness, and at the end one feels more sorry for Sherlock than for John. Thank you.
11th-Oct-2010 01:50 pm (UTC)
Thanks for taking the time to comment. I really appreciate it.
10th-Oct-2010 10:16 am (UTC)
Wow, that was great! I love your new form of 221B fics, it works!

The long sentences really add to the atmosphere, I felt so sorry for John and all in all that was fantastic work!
11th-Oct-2010 01:51 pm (UTC)
Thanks! I was nervous that it would just sound like long-winded rambling, so I'm relieved that it seems to have worked.
11th-Oct-2010 01:32 am (UTC)
Aw, this was amazing! I applaud your new 221B form - it's great! I didn't even notice that they were run-ons until you told me, so major kudos!

And the story itself was wonderful... especially how you worked in the PTS in John's memory, and Sherlock's absolutely perfect "dont know wtF to do" response, how he stands there for the whole 3 minutes, and finally admitting his cluelessness and calling the person who DOES...

It begs for a sequel, but at the same time, it's perfect enough by itself that a sequel isn't needed =)
11th-Oct-2010 01:54 pm (UTC)
Thanks so much. I'm really glad that the long sentences worked. I didn't actually plan to do that in advance; it just happened as I was writing, and I was a bit nervous whether it would work or not, so I'm very relieved that it did.

As for a sequel - you'd better ask my evil plotbunny what he has in mind! Me, I don't have a clue!
12th-Oct-2010 10:39 am (UTC)
Thanks for the link.

I thought that worked really well. Very vivid.
13th-Oct-2010 08:42 am (UTC)
Thank you!
19th-Mar-2011 07:54 pm (UTC)
This is incredibly vivid, as has already been stated above. That Sherlock would turn to Mycroft in order to get John some help is touching indeed, because that requires him to gag on his pride. Lovely :)
20th-Mar-2011 01:27 pm (UTC)
Cripes, thank you! I'm humbly honoured that you should comment.
12th-Aug-2012 01:37 pm (UTC)
Good!
29th-Aug-2012 12:04 am (UTC)
Wow. Yes, by all means, you may remake the 221b any way you like, if it means writing powerful little fics like this! Brilliant.
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