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Ariane DeVere
Sherlock fic: Feeding Frenzy 
27th-Oct-2010 07:14 pm
Sherlock - pen chuck
Title: Feeding Frenzy
Author: Ariane DeVere
Rating: PG for one minor cuss word
Characters: John, Sherlock
Warnings: Pure crack
Disclaimer: Sherlock belongs to way more powerful and wealthy people than me.

It’s a 221B (221 words, with the final word beginning with a ‘b’)

Summary: Cooking dinner at the flat: how hard can it be?

“Sherlock, where the hell are the gammon steaks I put in the fridge yesterday?”

“Threw them out.”

“Why?! They were good for a couple of days yet!”

“I had my reasons.”

“Which are?”


“... OK, thanks. Very helpful. You know, we’re not exactly flush with cash at the moment. It’d be helpful if you didn’t throw out good food.”


“And it doesn’t even look like you needed the space for something hideous from Bart’s. Why did you throw them out?”


“Are you listening to me?”

“I told you: there are reasons.”

“... ‘Reasons’. What sort of ...? Never mind. I’ll do a pasta sauce with that prosciutto ... Umm, Sherlock?”

“Threw it out.”



“Of course. Well, we’ve got nothing for dinner tonight now. We’ll have to make do with sandwiches ... Sherlock, there was a tin of Spam in the cupboard. Where’s it gone?”


What bloody reasons?!”

“I’m fed up with dodging the traps.”

(Oh god help me he’s finally gone bonkers.) The what?!”

“I cleared them out at the same time as all the ham.”

(I’m phoning Mycroft first thing tomorrow.) Anyway, I’ve found a box of eggs. What about scrambled eggs on toast?”

“I don’t care how you do them, just as long as they’re not bloody Eggs Benedict.”


Inspired, of course, by the barmy Benedict video (and I refuse to apologise to anyone who’s never seen this before now. I love it and am happy to have the tune stuck in my head all day!)

27th-Oct-2010 06:38 pm (UTC)
“I’m fed up with dodging the traps.”

And that's when I snorted my Dr. Pepper...
27th-Oct-2010 06:40 pm (UTC)
LMAO as soon as I read the "ham" bit I immediately thought of that infamous Benedict video on weebl and then to have it validated at the end with the authors note...XD

That song really is annoyingly catchy isn't it? ;)

Also, eggs benedict: HAH! :D I remember there was a twitter comment once about how Benedict was actually seen eating a plate of eggs benedict LOL.

Methinks I should go and buy some ham to keep in the kitchen. You know, to do some enticing ;).
27th-Oct-2010 10:50 pm (UTC)
I've had a plate of ham in my kitchen for the last several days. He hasn't turned up yet, but I'm forever hopeful.

*checks that the stick holding up the box is still in place*

*hides furtively*
27th-Oct-2010 06:51 pm (UTC)
Very cute.
27th-Oct-2010 09:09 pm (UTC)
Oh lord. It's that song again. XD

I'm not going to click the link. I'm not. I'm NOT. I'M NOT.
27th-Oct-2010 09:58 pm (UTC)
You did, didn't you? ;-)
27th-Oct-2010 10:09 pm (UTC)
No! Yes. It's just so... catchy!

This story was fun BTW. I loves it.
27th-Oct-2010 10:01 pm (UTC)
Barmy is probably the mildest word I'd use for that video... *chews ham* Reasons indeed. :D
28th-Oct-2010 12:56 am (UTC)
*twitches* WTH.....that burned my brain...but suddenly became funny when i thought back to the fic. I think it would have helped putting the link in the beginning for those that haven't seen it and wont get it.
28th-Oct-2010 08:12 am (UTC)
Yeahh, I thought about that, and decided that it's a six and two-threes situation: people who've not seen the video might get bored partway through the story and click out before the end because they don't understand it (which wouldn't be the first time for my fic!); but those who have seen the video might have more fun getting partway through the story and suddenly realising what it's relating to. It's a tricky one (I never make life easy!)
29th-Oct-2010 06:21 am (UTC)
True...it was worth the risk I guess. I mean I stuck around even though I wondered what was going on. I actually expected him to say something horrible at the end like he experimented with the food somehow that's why I kept going. The dialog was set up really well.
29th-Oct-2010 09:04 am (UTC)
Thank you!
12th-Aug-2012 01:40 pm (UTC)
29th-Aug-2012 12:12 am (UTC)
Well, between the fic and the vid, that was quite an experience! I love how even in the form of absolute, pure grade-A crack, you've got the boys' voices down pat. ^^
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