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Ariane DeVere
Sherlock fic: Unexpected Item 
3rd-Oct-2011 08:33 pm
Sherlock - S and J smile
Title: Unexpected Item
Author: Ariane DeVere
Word count: 514
Rating: PG
Characters: John, Sherlock
Warnings: Naah. Nothing but crack here.
Disclaimer: Sherlock belongs to way more powerful and wealthy people than me.


John is a bit flustered when he and Sherlock are first observed kissing in public. But that’s OK, because Sherlock is ready to explain everything to whoever needs telling. Oh, wait, is that really a good idea ...?





It’s still unusual for Sherlock to show any affection in public and so John is always surprised – and delighted – on the rare occasion when his new partner / boyfriend / lover / significant other (he hasn’t really settled on an appropriate title yet) initiates physical contact while they’re out. So it’s particularly glorious when he finds himself pulled into an alleyway, pressed up against the wall and soundly snogged by a detective who is still high on the excitement of having solved another crime.

It’s just typical bad timing that John surfaces from the kiss, breathless and aroused, only to see a little girl – about six or seven years old – standing at the end of the alleyway and looking at them curiously ... and even worse timing that the girl’s mother chooses that moment to catch up to her daughter and follow her gaze down the alley.

Sherlock turns his head to see what John’s looking at and breathes out an almost silent, “Oh.” He opens his mouth as if to say something to the mother and child but John – suddenly overcome with giggles – grabs his hand and tugs him into motion. Catching John’s giddiness, Sherlock follows his lead as they run off down the alleyway laughing.

But the fates haven’t quite finished with Operation Make John Watson’s Life Bloody Awkward Today, so it has to be only ten minutes later that – for the first time ever – Sherlock actually follows him into the supermarket instead of swirling off home and leaving him to do the shopping alone. And it has to be just a few minutes after that that, while John stands at the deli counter deciding which cheese to buy, Sherlock takes his hand and holds it while dropping a kiss onto his cheek. And it has to be just then that Sherlock breathes out that “Oh,” again so that John turns and sees that the same little girl is standing nearby and staring at them wide-eyed and innocently while her mother glares at them accusingly. Before she can pull her daughter away, the girl looks up at her and asks, “I don’t understand – why are they kissing?”

But then John’s heart melts into a puddle of pure adoration as Sherlock turns towards the girl and drops to his knees, sinking back on his heels so that he isn’t an intimidating height over her. He smiles up at her mother so sweetly, silently reassuring her that he is no threat, that her frown begins to fade. It’s the most beautiful sight that John has ever seen and he’s not sure he will ever be able to breathe properly again.

And it’s all stunningly gorgeous until Sherlock looks back down to the little girl, smiles fondly at her ... and then opens that bloody mouth of his.

“Well, when an army doctor and a consulting detective love each other very much ...”

It’s a nuisance to have to walk the extra six minutes to the nearest Tesco every time there’s no milk in the flat. Hopefully in due course Waitrose will lift the ban.

*****************

This story has now - to my humble amazement - been illustrated by the amazingly talented Khorazir here.

*****************

Author’s Note
Atlin’s fault. Always Atlin’s fault. But this time – bizarrely – with a little help from my mother.

So I’m sitting in the bar at the National Theatre with atlinmerrick, anarion, and mirith, the author of the awesomely hot Control, Alt, Delete and – while mourning the fact that my best mate, verityburns, isn’t also there (we raised a toast to you, kiddo) – we’re discussing which members of our respective families know what we do, and how much they know about what we do. I mention that my mum had winkled out of me that I was writing Sherlock fic and had asked to see it. Somewhat reluctantly I had printed off a careful selection of my stories, including The Click of the K (which ends with John kissing Sherlock for the first time) and had left them with her after somewhat awkwardly explaining that, in the fandom that I follow, we sort of like the two main characters to be gay. Anyway, this information clearly didn’t sink in at all and when I next saw her some time later and asked what she had thought of my stories, she frowned and said, “Well, I didn’t understand one thing: why were they kissing?”

At this point, Mirith turns around to me in the National bar, puts an understanding hand on my shoulder, gazes seriously into my eyes and says, “Well, when an army doctor and a consulting detective love each other very much ...”

Cue the loudest shriek of laughter from Atlin, a stern disapproving glare from a woman sitting nearby, an instant challenge for all four of us to incorporate that phrase into our next fics, and the realisation that there’s yet another place in London I never dare set foot in again.

Oh, and there’s another line that we’re all supposed to incorporate as well, so I guess I’ll have to think of another story soon. Actually, there were three phrases but none of us can remember what the third one was ...

*****************

And here are the other versions:

Mirith’s: Heat Wave (NC-17 like woah)

Anarion’s: Unexpected Sight

and Atlin’s: The First Time...John Gave Sherlock a Blow Job in Public (What d’you reckon – NC-17 a bit?!)





Comments 
3rd-Oct-2011 07:51 pm (UTC)
Dear lord this is wonderful. I am not sure which I adore more, the story or the author's note. I...do I have to pick? Because I'm not going to pick. I am going to cuddle them both.

And the title? THE TITLE. I keep hearing "Unexpected item in the bagging area."

Adore you.
3rd-Oct-2011 08:01 pm (UTC)
Blimey, you were quick with the commenting!

Thanks. I wasn't sure the title was the most appropriate one, but wasn't inspired for anything more clever.
3rd-Oct-2011 07:58 pm (UTC)
This is a thing of beauty.
3rd-Oct-2011 08:06 pm (UTC)
I really don't know what you lot are doing to me. I NEVER read author's notes! At least not as excessively as in this last few fics of yours.

This was so funny! Especially when I started to imagine explaining to my mother exactly what I read here :-D
3rd-Oct-2011 08:23 pm (UTC)
Why, thank you! Maybe I should give up writing fic and just write authors' notes instead!

Yes, it was definitely a moment of "Oh, Mum, how sweet of you to ask. Of course you can read my ... oh, blimey ..."!
3rd-Oct-2011 08:31 pm (UTC)
Oh, laughing ... Am trying to imagine what Sherlock might have said to that little girl. Am failing, because whatever he came up with is guaranteed to be more outrageous than anything I could invent (I know, I know, he's fictional, but still).
3rd-Oct-2011 09:48 pm (UTC)
Also - HOW had I not heard about Mirith Griffin?! Thank you so much for recommending her story, because, wow, she's excellent. The last hour of my life was well spent (and future hours will be spent happily re-reading), but I can't write a comment for her, as I don't have an FFN account. Sob.

Plus I'm dead flat certain the bar at the National Theatre has seen worse :)
5th-Oct-2011 07:05 pm (UTC)
Don't worry - I copied and emailed your comment to Mirith, as I was sure she would appreciate it. And now she's written more! (See updated A.N.)

Yes, the National probably preferred us being riotous to the stony and echoing silence during the posh party ... ;)

Edited at 2011-10-05 07:06 pm (UTC)
3rd-Oct-2011 08:50 pm (UTC)
See now, you have used slash marks up there... IN YOUR FIC. When I used them you made me take them out and replace them with commas, even though you normally complain about my commas. I am not understanding this grammar business at all. AT ALL. Thank God I've got you :D

Such a wonderful combination of humour, adorability (and don't be telling me that's not a word... I don't even care :P), and clever, with a lovely dash of hot (do they have CCTV footage of that alleyway? My money is good.)

I so totally love this... I love the story, I adore the Author's Note (even though it fills me with envy) and I am overjoyed to see 'ArianeDevere' in my inbox again.

Happy day!

5th-Oct-2011 07:04 pm (UTC)
Yes, dear, I have used slash marks - but I have not put them in the middle of bleedin' dialogue like certain people I could mention. So yes, be thankful for your grammar queen - who I seem to remember just sent you an email with approximately eighteen sentences beginning with "And ..." *cough*

Ah well, even me is allowed the occasional day off.
3rd-Oct-2011 08:59 pm (UTC)
Oh my God. Verity must love how all the blame shifts from her to Atlin :D

Somehow I really really wish I would have been there! I'm sure you had the most wonderful time :)

and the fic is adorable! :)
3rd-Oct-2011 08:59 pm (UTC)
I definitely join in the shriek of laughter :)
(Deleted comment)
3rd-Oct-2011 09:41 pm (UTC)
This is simply adorable! And Sherlock should never, ever teach sex ed (which means that yes he should just for the hilarity of it).
3rd-Oct-2011 09:47 pm (UTC)
You all have too much fun. I'm just glad that you share it after.
3rd-Oct-2011 11:25 pm (UTC)
Can't. Stop. Laughing. Every time I think I am about to get control of myself my mind plays that Cumberbatch baritone saying, “Well, when an army doctor and a consulting detective love each other very much ...” and I am off again. The meds could be contributing, but it is so much fun I don't care.
3rd-Oct-2011 11:25 pm (UTC)
Oh, my dear, that was wonderful. Simply wonderful. And funny and sweet and so true to them. Beautiful work!
4th-Oct-2011 12:44 am (UTC) - adorable
I love your writing. This is so charming and believable, and your humor really shines through, especially in the title and last paragraph.

What do I need to do to get Sherlock to take me aside in a Waitrose and explain his relationship with John to me - on his knees? Because whatever it is, I am on it like feathers on geese.

Thank you for a lovely reminder of time well spent with some awesome women.
5th-Oct-2011 07:18 pm (UTC) - Re: adorable
Yep, I'm definitely all for Sherlock on his knees, thankyouverymuch. If he's talking about what he gets up to with John, in graphic detail, with That Voice, then all the better.

*wibbles at the very thought*

When are you coming back, huh? Whenwhenwhenwhen?!
7th-Oct-2011 04:09 pm (UTC) - Re: adorable
Ohhhh, yes. Extra points go to you for the use of the phrasal verb "get up to with." I dunno, there's just something about phrasal verbs. "Going at it," "getting it on," and now "getting up to [with]." I think I just drifted off to what Atlin calls "the special place."

You are so sweet. How do you know I'm not already back? Check your tea cupboard when you get back home. I may be in it.
4th-Oct-2011 02:42 am (UTC)
I have a huge grin on my face! That was awesome.
4th-Oct-2011 04:08 am (UTC)
Yep, that noise you just heard was my heart melting.
4th-Oct-2011 04:21 am (UTC)
That little girl had it coming. *gigglesnort*
4th-Oct-2011 02:42 pm (UTC)
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah, I love it!!! It's perfect! *flails*

And your AN? Even better! (is there a better than perfect? Well, there is now!)
4th-Oct-2011 05:12 pm (UTC)
OMG, the story was good before the footnote. Afterwards, it moves from good to outstanding. I think reading this has made my afternoon.
5th-Oct-2011 07:19 pm (UTC)
Wow, thank you! Maybe I should start writing authors' notes instead of fic! ;)
3rd-Nov-2011 06:14 pm (UTC)
Great!
9th-Jan-2013 06:27 pm (UTC)
I'm posting this comment with a massive grin on my face :). I really loved this. This was simply perfect on so many levels. I can picture the scene so well XD.

Edited at 2013-01-09 06:28 pm (UTC)
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