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Ariane DeVere
Sherlock fic: Rien ne va plus 
30th-Jan-2012 12:18 am
Sherlock - S and J smile
Title: Rien ne va plus
Author: Ariane DeVere
Word count: 889
Rating: PG-13
Characters/Pairing: Mrs Hudson, John/Sherlock
Warnings: None
Disclaimer: Sherlock belongs to way more powerful and wealthy people than me.

Happy birthday, verityburns!




Now translated into Russian, into French, and into Czech.


Her hip was giving her hell tonight and even the soothers weren’t doing any more than just take the edge off. It was late at night and there was nothing on the telly to distract her, and she was in too much discomfort to even consider going to bed. She tried dozing in her armchair but every noise outside – a couple arguing in the alley, a barking dog, police sirens in the distance – instantly woke her.

And then the front door slammed. Really, it was too much; did those boys of hers have no consideration when they came home this late? She grumbled and waited for the sound of their feet clattering noisily up the stairs, and then no doubt Sherlock would start pacing up and down for the next hour. Not for the first time she regretted not having the money to have the sitting room fully carpeted to muffle the noise; even though the room was at the front of the house his footsteps on the wooden floor – especially if he kept his shoes on – would reverberate through the entire building and he was never considerate enough to keep to the rug. She was convinced that one day he would thump his feet down so hard that he would go crashing through the ceiling of Speedy’s, and she hoped rather venomously that Mr. Chatterjee would be working in the café at the time and that Sherlock would land on top of him.

It took her a few moments to realise that she hadn’t heard footsteps on the stairs at all and there was no sound from upstairs. Had they suddenly realised how loud they were being and so had tiptoed up the stairs? No; they would have to take their shoes off and go up in their socks to make no sound at all because even quiet footsteps sounded on the wooden steps – somewhere else she wished she could afford to carpet. So why hadn’t they gone upstairs yet?

Worried that one of them might be hurt – it wouldn’t be the first time she had gone out and found one of them sitting on the stairs holding a handkerchief to a head wound or nursing a sprained ankle while the other one tended to him – she hauled herself out of the chair with a groan and hobbled to the front door, opening it quietly and peeping out. There was no immediate sign of the boys in the front hallway but she could hear sharp breathing coming from the direction of the stairs. She crept forward past the door to the basement flat and then stopped, pressing her hand to her throat.

At the foot of the stairs, Sherlock was leaning against the wall with his head back and his eyes closed. For a moment she thought that he had some kind of injury to his neck and the doctor was tending to it, but as she took another concerned step forward she realised that John was ... John was ...

Oh my.

John was pressed against his tall flatmate in a very undoctor-like way, and surely there was no medical treatment in existence which involved sucking and nipping on the patient’s neck in that way, especially not while breathing heavily and moaning softly while pushing the fingers of one hand into the patient’s hair and having the other hand ... well, the other hand was out of sight in front of him but from the disarray of Sherlock’s shirt, the hand appeared to be up inside it and she was fairly sure it wasn’t simply checking the patient’s heartbeat.

Sherlock didn’t seem to be considering suing for medical malpractice at any time soon, however, if the blissful look on his face was anything to go by. Indeed, at that moment his jaw fell open, he panted heavily and then he uttered the doctor’s name in a breathy groan with such deep undertones that the door to 221C rattled. Reaching up with one hand, he wrapped his fingers around the back of John’s head and pulled him even harder onto his neck, grimacing ecstatically as John responded to the encouragement by opening his mouth wider and sucking more firmly. Sherlock whined and ran his fingers down John’s head until he reached his neck, then curled his fingers around it and pulled back. John’s mouth disengaged from his throat and his head fell back, his eyes closed as he gasped for air.

Sherlock lifted his head from the wall and tilted it forward, his own eyes opening and immediately flickering towards his landlady. Meeting her startled gaze for a brief moment as his free hand reached out and took a firm handful of the doctor’s backside, he winked lasciviously at her and then closed his eyes again and lowered his mouth to his flatmate’s.

Putting her hand over her mouth to hold back her delighted giggle, and with the pain in her hip completely forgotten, she backed away and quietly closed the door, went through to the kitchen and let herself out in the yard. Smiling happily, she went out the back gate, turned left and made her way into next door’s yard, tapping on the kitchen door so that she could demand the twenty quid she was owed from Mrs Turner because their long-term bet was finally over.

**************************

Author’s Note: Writing a birthday fic for as talented a writer as verityburns: not the brightest idea, and I wasn’t planning to even try – which is why I sent her cookies (Ben’s Cookies, at that!) instead. But that plotbunny of mine had other ideas and said, “What do you associate most with my namesake, Mum? How about the boys snogging in the hallway?” and then I was doomed ...

Happy birthday, Vez. Have a fantastic year. Love and hugs, Ari x


***********

Comments 
30th-Jan-2012 12:28 am (UTC)
This was lovely. A diff POV to see our boys from, a deep character study, a cheeky Sherlock, a bet won.

A beginning of the relationship for the beginning of a new calendar year for all of us and a new year of verity's life.

As much as I love watching our boys, I also love watching the deep friendship that VA3 has which continues to grow and benefit an entire fandom.

Yours is the first that I've seen, Ari, and it starts things off with an amazing bang.

Thank you!
30th-Jan-2012 01:41 am (UTC)
Go Mrs Hudson!!! I'm so glad she had a bet going with Mrs. Turner. Also, I really liked how you wrote it from Mrs Hudson's POV. quite refreshing. And Sherlock's wink at the end? Priceless.
30th-Jan-2012 09:27 am (UTC)
Bloody hell, I don't even know how to respond to the awesomeness that is THIS!

I thought you were a bit quiet over the weekend - should have known you were up to something... although I never would have come up with the right reason, you've totally gobsmacked me.

This is so absolutely perfect, I'm going to need a new thesaurus to cover it - I do love your Mrs Hudson, you have a real gift for giving us different perspectives and making them utterly convincing; like your Sarah in 'Courting is Over', just brilliant. The bit about Mr. Chatterjee made me burst out laughing!

Then, even when we have the anticipation building, because we so know what's happening in the hallway, you give us such a lovely and sweet insight with:

'it wouldn’t be the first time she had gone out and found one of them sitting on the stairs holding a handkerchief to a head wound or nursing a sprained ankle while the other one tended to him'

That's just beautiful... and leading into the totally winning combination of hotness and hilarity which follows - I could (and will) read this bit over and over...

'a very undoctor-like way'
'there was no medical treatment in existence which involved sucking and nipping on the patient’s neck in that way'
'from the disarray of Sherlock’s shirt, the hand appeared to be up inside it and she was fairly sure it wasn’t simply checking the patient’s heartbeat.'
'Sherlock didn’t seem to be considering suing for medical malpractice at any time soon'


Yeah, I'm just quoting it all, aren't I? It's just so bloody perfect, I can't help myself, and it keeps getting hotter and hotter... I have to say that IMO this is the most erotic scene you've written, it's absolutely bloody brilliant.

And you end with your trademark cleverness and wit - wonderful. Bravo Mrs Hudson!

Thank you a million times over for this, and for my lovely cookies - I've spent all weekend defending them from marauding menfolk, with varying degrees of success, but you were so generous that there are still several left for me. In fact I think I might indulge right now and read this lovely story again while nibbling on Ben's deliciously soft centre. A match made in heaven!

Verity, xxx
30th-Jan-2012 11:55 am (UTC)
Happy Birthday my dear! I would say have a nice day, but with all the beautiful things they are writing you I think that's a given.
30th-Jan-2012 11:58 am (UTC)
Oh, thank you! And you're so right - I am the jammiest dodger in the biscuit tin today :D

30th-Jan-2012 09:31 am (UTC)
Happy Birthday, Verityburns!
WEEEHEEHEEEE! OMFG! I adore the craptarts out of this!
Mrs. Hudson giggling (even held-back) and Sherlock's wink and... oh, my the rest! YUMF!

I am grinning hugely!
30th-Jan-2012 09:43 am (UTC)
teheeeeee, this is delightful :)

Happy Birthday Verity <3
30th-Jan-2012 10:13 am (UTC)
Happy Birthday, Verityburns!

Too bad, it comes only once a year as this was priceless! Thanks for sharing.
30th-Jan-2012 10:20 am (UTC)
Aaah, that was so funny and sexy at the same time!
30th-Jan-2012 10:23 am (UTC)
Happy Birthday Verity!!

This was very, very lovely. What a b'day gift!
30th-Jan-2012 10:23 am (UTC)
oh my this is SO good.
Really, this was lovely and may I say...quite hot?
Very well written, too.

You made my day at work a little less boring (unfortunately I cannot shoot at walls).

30th-Jan-2012 10:33 am (UTC)
Yahaha, that was so hot and sweet! I love the wink, and Mrs Hudson's little giggle. :)
30th-Jan-2012 11:27 am (UTC)
Lovely.
30th-Jan-2012 11:29 am (UTC)
This was so very good. Loved that it was from Mrs Hudson's point of view, not often done with regards to John/Sherlock. The thought of Sherlock sueing John for medical malpractice had me grinning and I loved that Mrs Hudson is quietly giggling and sorta complicit in the whole thing.

Really enjoyed this. And I wouldn't put it past Mrs H to have a bet on with Mrs Turner!
30th-Jan-2012 11:35 am (UTC)
ohn was pressed against his tall flatmate in a very undoctor-like way, and surely there was no medical treatment in existence which involved sucking and nipping on the patient’s neck in that way, especially not while breathing heavily and moaning softly while pushing the fingers of one hand into the patient’s hair and having the other hand ... well, the other hand was out of sight in front of him but from the disarray of Sherlock’s shirt, the hand appeared to be up inside it and she was fairly sure it wasn’t simply checking the patient’s heartbeat.

OMG, Mrs Hudson!!! *lol*

I love this! It's funny (the bet!) and sooo hot! *fans self*
30th-Jan-2012 11:53 am (UTC)
This really is one of the hottest birthday cards I have ever read!

My favorite part is that wink of Sherlock. I would have had a heart attack right there! But not our BAMF!Mrs Hudson. Love her so much!
30th-Jan-2012 02:09 pm (UTC)
Mrs. Hudson the fangirl! I find her bet with Mrs. Turner highly amusing. So is Sherlock's cheeky wink.

Happy birthday, Verityburns!
(Deleted comment)
30th-Jan-2012 04:28 pm (UTC)
Mrs. Hudson needs a camera. It's so useful for times like these!! Or for future use, as in every time she doesn't hear (or hear) something ;)

Happy B-Day Verityburns =)
30th-Jan-2012 06:56 pm (UTC)
... such deep undertones that the door to 221C rattled ... how wonderful!! :)
30th-Jan-2012 10:18 pm (UTC)
So why hadn’t they gone upstairs yet?
Wait. So, they're still in the hallway. And it's a fic for Verity, the Verity who wrote this terribly hot scene where Sherlock and John are, er, doing things in the hallway, in The Heart in the Whole. Maybe it's a tribute to this scene, so... Oh my God Sherlock and John are about to, er, do things in the hallway.
is full of hope

she could hear sharp breathing
Ha !

but as she took another concerned step forward she realised that John was ... John was ...
What ? WHAT ???

John was pressed against his tall flatmate in a very undoctor-like way, and surely there was no medical treatment in existence which involved sucking and nipping on the patient’s neck in that way
But you can't be sure. Maybe it's an experimental treatment John heard about in Afghanistan, something that only army doctors do. Rats, I've got to finish the story then. Just to be sure.
*keeps on reading*
All right, now I'm sure.

with the pain in her hip completely forgotten
Yep. Slash is therapeutic. Whereas, if she had come across the same sight, but with Sarah instead of Sherlock, her other hip would have started to hurt too.


But that plotbunny of mine had other ideas and said, “What do you associate most with my namesake, Mum? How about the boys snogging in the hallway?” and then I was doomed ...
I side with the bunny. And I imagine Verity meeting a friend tomorrow :
- So, Verity, what did you get for your birthday ?
- Oh, I got Sherlock and John snogging in a hallway...

I won't be the only one to say Mrs Hudson is a lucky woman ; well, Sherlock and John are even luckier men, but, if you can't participate, it's a sight to behold. I'm sure she thought it was better than the telly, as a distraction. I can't help noticing that she doesn't hurry over withdrawing to her chamber and that she takes all her time to observe every detail. It's very, er, visual, and no, I don't complain. I'm not a voyeuristic person as a rule, but, well, in special occasions...

Wow, Ariane, this was hot. And funny. Just a minor criticism : you say that Mrs Hudson hoped rather venomously that Mr. Chatterjee would be working in the café at the time and that Sherlock would land on top of him ; well, I'm sorry but, as far as I'm concerned, I wouldn't see a Sherlock landing on top of me as a punishment. Au contraire. :D

PS. Hey, it could be the sequel to Ella ! First there's writhing (I quote you) in the rain, now, there's kissing in the hallway... The next step should be interesting.

PS. I've just understood the title. I was wondering why you had called your fic "Everything is wrong now" whereas everything is so right. Which proves that I'm not a gambler !
2nd-Feb-2012 05:15 pm (UTC)
Well, I agree that a Sherlock falling on top of one would be rather lovely in principle, but it would depend on the height from which he fell. As far as I remember, Speedy's has quite high ceilings, and Sherlock is all angles and pointy bits (shut up ...) and so might cause a fair bit of injury.

Of course, if he then kissed all my damaged bits better, I think I could tolerate the initial pain ...

*Panics at the wrongness of the title, then sighs with relief that it really does have a different meaning in gambling terms!*
2nd-Feb-2012 06:04 pm (UTC)
Sherlock is all angles and pointy bits (shut up ...) and so might cause a fair bit of injury.
Couldn't care less. I have my first aid kit. Timbeeeeer !

Of course, if he then kissed all my damaged bits better, I think I could tolerate the initial pain ...
No, wait, what I am saying, I don't have my first aid kit at all. Listen Sherlock, I know it may sound unbelievable but it hurts absolutely EVERYWHERE.

31st-Jan-2012 02:51 am (UTC)
Sherlock winked at Mrs. Hudson! WINKED, I say! *giggles helplessly and keels over the chair*

I cannot quote the whole thing to you, but I want to. It's brilliant!
31st-Jan-2012 12:20 pm (UTC)
Oh wow that was wonderful! I really like having an outsider's point of view. Somehow, it really emphasises the intimacy of this moment.

And hurray for Mrs Hudson winning her bet!!
2nd-Feb-2012 01:29 pm (UTC)
This was hilarious and cute and just fantastic! Thank you for sharing~

6th-Feb-2012 03:34 am (UTC)
This is simply delightful!
12th-Aug-2012 07:02 pm (UTC)
Good!
9th-Jan-2013 06:11 pm (UTC)
Brilliant fic XD!
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