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Ariane DeVere
Sherlock fic: Susan 
21st-Feb-2012 08:32 pm
Sherlock - What?
Title: Susan
Author: Ariane DeVere
Word count: 221
Rating: PG-13
Characters : Sherlock, OFC
Warnings: Mild violence, drunkenness

Possibly the dumbest 221B I have ever written ...

Susan sighed as the drunk leered at her once again. On most Tuesday evenings the bar was quiet, just a few people popping in for a quick drink after work before heading home. It was unusual for a customer to be so bladdered on a Tuesday and she wished she hadn’t agreed that the manager could take the night off for his wedding anniversary.

“You’re really pretty, Su,” the drunk told her for the umpteenth time, slurring her name as he grabbed at her arm across the bar and leaned closer, huffing beery breath into her face.

“Come ’ere and giss’a kiss,” he insisted.

“Don’t be such a tit,” she told him as she struggled to pull free.

Just then, the man with the startling blue eyes, dark curly hair and long dark coat who had been sitting in the corner of the bar nursing a Scotch for the last hour stood up and walked over, murmuring quietly, “She’s not interested in you.”

The drunk released Su’s arm and stood up angrily. “Says who?” he demanded and swung the punch.

It was over in seconds. Her saviour whirled into a blur of motion and moments later the drunk was unconscious on the floor. As the other customers applauded, her rescuer turned, bowed, and winked at her.

“Just dealing with the bar-tit,Su.”


Author’s Note: It’s all right, I’ll wait ...

*cringes with embarrassment while looking at the plotbunny and asking, “What, really?!”*

And yes, it does end with a ‘b’ word ... if you squint.

And, when I ran it past verityburns, she kindly pointed out, “If anyone complains that Conan Doyle actually called it ‘Baritsu’, rather than by its proper name, the doofus, you can tell them you love him enough to overlook his mistakes - just as we forgive him John Watson’s wandering war wound and Mary Morstan’s rather relaxed attitude to her husband’s name!”

21st-Feb-2012 08:38 pm (UTC)
I think I might just want to be you when I grow up.
21st-Feb-2012 08:43 pm (UTC)
You think that I've grown up when I'm writing nonsense like this?!
21st-Feb-2012 08:44 pm (UTC)
Baritsu? I am not sure I get this 221B... *sighs at her not-cleverness*
21st-Feb-2012 08:50 pm (UTC)
Amusing. Really. Thank you for sharing. :)
21st-Feb-2012 09:05 pm (UTC)
But it's not dumb at all, it's clever and funny ! I love Sherlock saviour-of-the-damsel-in-distress. And he bows and winks ! Aww, happy Sue. Yet something bothers me : why is Sherlock alone with his Scotch in this bar? WHERE IS JOHN ???
*is worried*
And what do you mean, "You're overthinking things ?"
21st-Feb-2012 09:11 pm (UTC)
That's the problem with writing a 221B: not enough room to explain things properly! I wanted to say that Sherlock was watching someone else in the bar for a case, but there just wasn't room!

Does this post-script reassure you, honey?
21st-Feb-2012 09:29 pm (UTC)
What Tink does. Yes I needed a moment to get it. Can we blame it on not being a native speaker?
21st-Feb-2012 09:34 pm (UTC)
Wow, you are like lightning! I nipped off for half an hour to sort out my Asda order and here you are, all up and posted... bravo to you, my speedy sweetheart!

This still makes me laugh like a drain - and then sit back in my chair and go, 'Good God, that's a lot of clever in the room'.

I am in awe, as always!

21st-Feb-2012 09:48 pm (UTC)
Bartitsu! I gave a loud-pitched laugh and scared the kids. Don't cringe, baby! It was really nice and clever!
21st-Feb-2012 09:56 pm (UTC)
LOL! Very nice.
21st-Feb-2012 10:14 pm (UTC)
Groan... Giggle, giggle... Groan again...

What a lovely bit of fluff!
21st-Feb-2012 11:45 pm (UTC)
22nd-Feb-2012 03:13 am (UTC)
I had to use your link to explain but once I understood, I thought this was very clever.

But even without the link, we have action Sherlock helping a girl and then winking. That's good enough for me.

Thank you!
23rd-Feb-2012 08:41 pm (UTC)
24th-Feb-2012 02:31 am (UTC)
I never knew that "baritsu" was just ACD's misspelling of something some other geezer came up with! I just assumed that he came up with it himself. Live and learn.

Of course Su's not interested in that drunk. Not with Mr. Blue Eyes, Dark Hair, and Awesome Coat around. I wish that there were an expression in my native dialect equivalent to "Phwoar," but since there isn't, I'll have to borrow yours.
24th-Feb-2012 09:00 am (UTC)
"Phwoar" is good in any dialect!
12th-Aug-2012 06:34 pm (UTC)
3rd-Mar-2013 04:52 am (UTC)
Nice one! You certainly have a knack for delivering a punch line.
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