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Ariane DeVere
Sherlock fic: Suck it and see 
15th-Apr-2013 08:06 pm
DW - know what you're thinking/ashamed
Title: Suck it and see
Author: Ariane DeVere
Word count: 1080
Rating: Despite the title, it’s PG-13. Who do you think I am – Atlin Merrick?!
Disclaimer: Sherlock belongs to way more powerful and wealthy people than me.

For danlef.

Suck it and see


Much as I wanted to continue swearing the air blue, I bit back the rest of my foul language, knowing how indignant Mrs Hudson would be if she caught any of it. For an elderly lady she had remarkably good hearing, and her disapproving frown whenever I swore made me instantly feel like a naughty six year old boy. Instead, cradling my left hand, I spun around and stormed back up the stairs and into the living room.

“Sherlock, I’ve told you about that bloody bannister before!” I yelled, even though the man wasn’t actually in sight. “This is the second time that I’ve ...”

I trailed off. Sherlock was walking out of the kitchen with a glower on his face that would stop most people dead in their tracks and then make them immediately beat a hasty retreat. Flattering myself that I was made of sterner stuff, I tried to match his glare and raised my injured hand.

“I asked you weeks ago to phone Mrs Hudson’s handyman and get him in to sand down the bannisters,” I told him sternly. “Look – I’ve got another bloody splinter in my finger!”

Ignoring his scowl, I started to step past him. “Are there any tweezers around?” I asked as I headed towards the kitchen, but I got no more than a couple of paces when Sherlock stepped into my way again, forcing me to stop.

“Really?” he asked in a condescending tone. “All this fuss over a splinter?”

“It bloody hurts!” I said, trying not to sound petulant – and failing dismally.

“Most people manage to get down the stairs without having to lean on the bannister,” he said with a withering look.

“Don’t you dare try and blame this on me,” I snapped. “Just find me some tweezers!”

Sherlock sighed dramatically, then stepped closer and seized my left hand.

“Show me,” he murmured, raising my hand and peering at the thin wooden splinter which had dug itself into my index finger as I had slid my fingers along the bannister while going down the stairs. He rolled his eyes. “It’s not even that deep,” he said.

“So get me some tweezers and I can pull it ou...” My voice faltered as he leaned forward and sucked the tip of my index finger into his mouth.

“Christ, Sherlock!” I said, automatically trying to pull my hand free, but he tightened his grip on my wrist. It was obvious that he was trying to suck the splinter out but this was not what I had been expecting. And because I hadn’t had any warning, I hadn’t had a chance to curl up the rest of my hand and so my other fingertips and my thumb were resting against his throat ... his bare throat.

My eyes drifted downwards as I realised that, although I had only been out of the living room for a short while, he had removed his jacket and unbuttoned several of his shirt buttons since I had left. All right, so I had stopped on the half-landing partway down the stairs to check my phone for any text messages before resuming my descent and snagging my finger on the rough bannister, but I couldn’t have been out of the room for more than half a minute. It was unusual to see so much bare skin on him and it was ... oh, lord, that was quite a neck. I swallowed hard and tried to concentrate on the pain in my finger – but all that did was focus my attention on where my finger currently was. For someone whose words were usually so cold and unfeeling, Sherlock’s mouth was incredibly warm and wet, and the sensation of his lips pulling on my skin as he repeatedly adjusted the pressure of his suction made me uncomfortable. I tried again to tug my hand away but he held onto it firmly, his eyes lowered. I half expected him to try and focus on my finger and go cross-eyed in the process, but this was – after all – Sherlock Holmes, who probably couldn’t look ridiculous if he tried. Not that he ever would try. Unfortunately for me, with his eyes at that angle I was becoming painfully aware of how long his eyelashes were, and my sense of unease increased.

Jesus. This wasn’t the first time that I had noticed what a stunningly good-looking man he was, but this close up and with that long neck so exposed and a look of rapt concentration on his face – not to mention the wet pull of his mouth on my finger – he was truly beautiful.

‘I’m not gay,’ I silently but firmly told myself. Part of my body silently but firmly disagreed. I awkwardly tried to shift my position without giving myself away.

“Keep thtill,” he lisped around my finger as his eyes lifted to meet mine. Holding my increasingly nervous gaze, he pushed the tip of his tongue against the end of my finger, pushing it almost out of his mouth, then tightened his grip again to hold my hand steady and began to flick his tongue repeatedly against the protruding end of the splinter to lift it. As he continued to lap at it, with his eyes locked on mine, my lungs chose that moment to shrink in size and I found it increasingly hard to breathe. Still Sherlock’s eyes bored into mine and I made a determined effort to lock my knees to stop them buckling under me.

Suddenly he let out a deep satisfied moan and drew my finger back into his mouth, sucking even harder. I gritted my teeth, trying hard not to whimper, but I was almost on the point of defeat when mercifully he released my wrist, took a step back, turned his head and delicately spat out the splinter.

“Thanks,” I said, ludicrously proud of my voice for not shaking or coming out two octaves higher than usual.

He gave me a disparaging look.

“You’re welcome,” he said ungraciously. “Now go!”

Putting his hands on my shoulders, he spun me around, ushered me out onto the landing and shoved me in the direction of the stairs before he turned to go back into the flat via the kitchen door and headed in the direction of his bedroom.

“It was only Lestrade,” I heard him say. “He was being pathetic, but he’s gone. I hope you’re naked by now, John.”

I just about managed not to fall down the stairs.

Author’s Note: I don’t usually feel able to write a fic to order. I’ve had prompts before but have been utterly uninspired. However, I had a message a few days ago from danlef (also writing as squire), who recently wrote one of the most brilliant, clever and fun stories that I’ve seen in all my time on the Sherlock fandom. Even if you don’t normally read AU fic, I absolutely recommend An Ongoing Mission - it really is glorious. She had caught my attention with some of her earlier stories and I’m so proud that she struggled on with her attempts to find a beta to help with her admittedly not-perfect English, because this last story is a work of genius.

Anyway, she wrote to say that this story was probably her swansong because events in her personal life are about to take over, and she linked me to this picture by Reapersun. Danlef felt that – because she was convinced that the hand which Sherlock was holding wasn’t John’s – I might be able to write a story around it with a typically DeVereian twist at the end, and wondered if I might be inspired to write something as a sort of farewell to her. As I said above, I can’t usually write to a prompt, but after throwing the picture to my writing friends and asking if they had any thoughts, got a suggestion from Stacey which finally woke up my stubborn plotbunny and started me writing.

I hope it was what you were hoping for, Danlef. Best of luck to you in the future, and I really hope that you’ll be back in time with some more writing of your own. (Edit: she did come back, and is writing brilliantly clever fic on AO3.)

And the story title? Who else would it come from? I totally disgraced myself on the railway station this evening on the way home from work, giggling and grinning like an idiot every time I thought about it, and getting nervous glances from my fellow commuters.

Who else would suggest a title like this? verityburns made me do it.
15th-Apr-2013 07:28 pm (UTC)
I'm not even sorry! A story like this deserves a 'suprising rice' type title - and anything that gives you a happy giggle is well worth doing :D

I love what you managed to draw from the picture - I suck (snigger) at writing for prompts so am doubly impressed when anyone else manages to do it so cleverly.

As for Sherlock's last line... well. That was... good. I'm not sure I'd have managed to avoid the perils of the staircase had I been in Lestrade's shoes - but I'd count the resultant bruises a small price to pay!

16th-Apr-2013 02:29 pm (UTC)
Oh, you definitely have nothing to be sorry for! I haven't had a giggle like that in ages.

I'm still wondering whether I should have subtitled the story with the title I suggested to you after looking up the word "splinter" on Wikipedia. Its definition is something like, 'a foreign object inserted into one's body', which seemed highly appropriate to my dirty mind, but then you came back with your alternative suggestion and it was so much better!
(Deleted comment)
16th-Apr-2013 02:31 pm (UTC)
Thanks, honey! I have to admit to giving a delighted yelp when I realised that there was an ideal opportunity to add in a lisp.
15th-Apr-2013 07:32 pm (UTC)
I'm... *gulps*... well, first thing first.

Upon finding the message in my box: Disbelieving. ("So fast?").

Upon reading the title: Blushing. (I actually had to leave my chair and occupy myself a bit with the household chores to intimidate the blush. My husband would suspect something.)

Upon reading almost all of the story: Flailing with awe and grinning like a madman and boiling from inside with joy and gratitude.

Upon reading the last lines: spluttering my tea all over the computer. But it was worth the damage!

You succeeded beyond my boldest wishes. Now I can go and rest my head in peace. Thank you so much!
16th-Apr-2013 02:32 pm (UTC)
I'm so happy you liked it! It was a group effort, with help from Stacey and Verity, but I'm glad you enjoyed it.

Don't stay away too long, sweetie, but take care of yourself and your family while you're away.

Love and hugs, Ari xx

Edited at 2013-04-16 02:47 pm (UTC)
15th-Apr-2013 08:12 pm (UTC)
Ah! How excellent to find some beautifully done porn in the afternoon.

Thank you :) So lovely, and so hot!
16th-Apr-2013 02:33 pm (UTC)
*blinks* It's porn? Well, yes, I suppose it is really. I was so busy concentrating on the crack that I didn't really notice, especially when I was deciding on the rating, but I'm glad it made your afternoon!
15th-Apr-2013 08:20 pm (UTC)
Hahahaha, you totally got me! Although I'm kind of sad now because was Sherlock coming on to Lestrade behind John's back? Or was that just a random Sherlock thing to do and he didn't understand the sexual innuendo? Still, extremely skillfully written, and great companion piece to a great piece of art.
16th-Apr-2013 02:41 pm (UTC)
Good lord, no! I never saw that for a moment - you have far too much of a suspicious mind! Knowing Sherlock, he was totally oblivious to how much he was turning Lestrade on. Or, additionally or alternatively, he was busy concentrating on who he'd just left in the bedroom or kitchen and was inadvertently transmitting his desires.

Glad you liked the story despite your fears!
15th-Apr-2013 08:41 pm (UTC)
Who do you think I am – Atlin Merrick?!
No, just the author of Dreamer’s Awakening . Ahem.

I'm a bit smug. When I saw the words "Ariane DeVere" and "Sherlock fic", my "THIS IS ARIANE - THINGS ARE NOT WHAT THEY SEEM TO BE - PRESUPPOSE NOTHING" alarm signal immediately went off. And it's in the first person, which is very unusual for you. It was a clue! :D

“Are there any tweezers around?”
And this was evidence. John knows if there are tweezers around. He knows where they are. He probably extracted a lot of broken glass and other fragments from Sherlock's body. Whereupon I felt quite depressed because Sherlock was basically fellating someone-who's-not-John's index finger. Damn.

oh, lord, that was quite a neck.
I second this opinion.

Unfortunately for me, with his eyes at that angle I was becoming painfully aware of how long his eyelashes were
Can I have a splinter too, please?

“Keep thtill,” he lisped around my finger as his eyes lifted to meet mine.

He gave me a disparaging look.
“You’re welcome,” he said ungraciously. “Now go!”

Ah, good. Clear off, person-who-is-not-John!

“It was only Lestrade,” I heard him say. “He was being pathetic, but he’s gone. I hope you’re naked by now, John.”
Wait, this is why Sherlock didn't want Greg to go to the kitchen and why he played the human tweezers? Perfect explanation. You clever girl! :D If this is not a very satisfying ending I don't know what a very satisfying ending is. And now I hope there will be, er, a different kind of suction and deep satisfied moan and rapt concentration on Sherlock's face.
16th-Apr-2013 02:37 pm (UTC)
I'm disappointed in you, Choco. I was fully anticipating a flaily demand for a sequel when John goes back into the living room and steps on the splinter that Sherlock had spat out.

But OK, *shrugs*, apparently you don't want one. Good. Saves me having to say "I DON'T WRITE BLOODY SEQUELS!!! (except when I do)"

Yeah, finding a good reason for a lisp was a happy moment.
16th-Apr-2013 04:35 pm (UTC)
Demanding a sequel, moi? You know me so little. *coughs* Anyway, John can have the suction without the splinter, which is so better. Of course I could have politely asked for a sequel when John goes back in the living room, stumbles, falls and sticks the splinter in his, suction-inducing part, but I guess it would be horribly painful. :D
15th-Apr-2013 08:59 pm (UTC)
Oh I love twists-in-the-tale endings - and this was superb! You totally got me!!

I'm sorry Danlef won't be around so much; she's a great writer, but as a parting gift, this couldn't be bettered, the lisp and all!

(I know what you mean about giggling in inappropriate places, though - every time I use a 'chip and pin machine' in the supermarket I have to be stern with myself not to say could you keep your voice down, please? to the machine !!)
16th-Apr-2013 02:45 pm (UTC)
Thank you! I'm glad I surprised someone - most of my regular readers are so suspicious of my writing now that they see that there's a twist coming a mile off!

I'm sad to see Danlef go, but she has left us with a classic with her An Ongoing Mission, which I will cherish for a very long time.
16th-Apr-2013 12:28 am (UTC)
Amazing! I loved it. I love you too, you clever thing you.


16th-Apr-2013 02:49 pm (UTC)
Couldn't have done it without you, honey, so thanks for the help with the prompt. *hugs*
16th-Apr-2013 12:46 am (UTC)
*keyboard smash* Ahahaha, you trickster, you! Great twist ending. And, mmm, I love both those pairings so much, and also threesomes, so this unexpectedly hit my kinks really well! Except now I have a headcanon on this story that in the end Lestrade marches right back upstairs and into their bedroom to join the fun, lol. :)

For someone whose words were usually so cold and unfeeling, Sherlock’s mouth was incredibly warm and wet...

GUH. *fans self* What a line!

I also love how Sherlock lisps around his finger. I can hear that so well in my head, and it’s glorious and sexy. :)
16th-Apr-2013 02:51 pm (UTC)
Realising that there was a perfect opportunity to include a lisp in this story was definitely my happiest moment while writing!

Thank you for such kind words. And I'm all for someone (else) writing a continuation!
16th-Apr-2013 08:24 am (UTC)
We have to stop doing this, Ari! Well, you don't have to stop never ever. You have to keep on writing wonderful, erotic fics with a surprising end for ever and ever. It's just me. I see but I don't observe and you did get me, again, as always. And it was brilliant.
16th-Apr-2013 02:53 pm (UTC)
Well, thank goodness for that! There are some readers who are so suspicious of my writing now that they're on full alert from the first word and looking for every clue about how I'm going to twist the story this time. *pouts*

One of these days I'm going to write a fic without a twist, and their heads will explode. *snigger*
16th-Apr-2013 08:42 am (UTC)
Oh marvellous! Excellent twist and what was just as fun was rereading it again in Lestrade's voice. (I did wonder initially why John was asking Sherlock where something was! lol)
16th-Apr-2013 02:55 pm (UTC)
Yeah, I didn't think that line through, did I? I was so busy struggling with how to phrase the line itself that I didn't think of the implications. *smacks self round head*

In an Alternate Universe, I shall re-write that line ...
18th-Apr-2013 03:45 am (UTC)
heh but it all made sense in the end anyway. Really clever (and sexy) fic.
16th-Apr-2013 02:24 pm (UTC)

Consulting Detective, resident genius, splinter removal, temptor of one John Watson......I mean, there is absolutely no skill that is not included in Sherlock Holmes' vast reportoire. 'giggles' And, that final line about knocked me to my knees, like John. :) Loved it!
16th-Apr-2013 02:56 pm (UTC)
I doubt there's much that our Sherlock can't turn his hand to - preferably literally. Glad you liked it!
20th-Apr-2013 10:47 am (UTC)
Ha ha ha, this was brilliant XD!
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