Author: Ariane DeVere
Word count: 221 (plus another 221 in the Author’s Note). So that’ll be ... umm ... 442, then.
Summary: In which the author indulges in the tiniest bit of meta – and the biggest bit of crack – and demolishes the heck out of the fourth wall to celebrate writing her fiftieth story.
“Give me some help here, Sherlock!”
“I will not assist you, Miss DeVere,” Sherlock sternly told her.
“But it’s my fiftieth story!” Ariane protested. “I’ve looked all through my notebook – and by the way, I’ve now filled it completely – for suitable storylines that I haven’t already used. You’ve got to give me something!”
“There has already been far too much fanfiction about myself and John,” Sherlock complained. “Why would I want to encourage more?”
“Because if you don’t give me some ideas, I’ll have to let the plotbunny run riot,” Ari purred smugly.
“Get out,” Sherlock said, standing and pointing towards the door. “Don’t wait until John returns, or I will make him shoot you.”
“John won’t shoot me, silly boy,” Ari said with a confident smile on her face.
“Why not?” Sherlock asked, then rolled his eyes in annoyance. “Oh, of course. Because you’ve got the pen.”
“I’ve got the pen,” Ari said serenely.
“Leave!” Sherlock told her.
“All right,” she said as she headed for the door, “but don’t say I didn’t warn you.”
Two days later Sherlock vowed to shoot Ariane himself when, no matter how hard he tried to resist – and in front of many giggling police officers – he found himself loudly yelling at John, “Never mind your long dangly things – what about my collection of begonias?!”
The obligatory and explanatory (and celebratory) 221B Author’s Note: Story number fifty – which coincided with me filling the first notebook I’d bought to write fanfic ideas into.
I was aware that I was approaching my fiftieth story (at least for Sherlock and Cabin Pressure) and had already thought that it ought to be crack instead of the two more serious stories I was working on. Having made a mental note that I should check the notebook carefully to see if there was unused stuff to transfer to the next book, I suddenly remembered how, months previously, I had channel-surfed into ’The Hoobs’ (a British kids’ TV show) one morning and the first thing I heard one of the puppets saying was the ‘dangly things’ line. It sounded so funny out of context that I wrote it down. I didn’t think, though, that I would ever find a way to use it in a fic.
Now, how am I going to incorporate that other line I found written down out of context: “I like my men like I like my......”
Shush, Ari – keep your powder dry.
Confession: when I went back to check the note, it actually said, “... my collection of pansies” but I’m sure my plotbunny made me mis-remember so that I used it. And would I really want that line as the first one in my new book?!