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Ariane DeVere
Sherlock fic: It’s this, or Cluedo 
3rd-Oct-2014 09:10 am
Benedict - DGS
Title: It’s this, or Cluedo
: Ariane DeVere
Word count: 221 (+ a 221B Author’s Note)
Rating: R(ish)

Summary: The game is on. It is a tiny bit sexy.

A little birthday present for Mirith Griffin

It’s this, or Cluedo

“If you won’t sit down and play board games,” John growled after hours of Sherlock complaining about boredom, “then I’ll teach you a much better game.”

Sherlock’s eyes widened.

“Oh, you can Boggle all you like,” John said sternly. “You think you’re the Mastermind, that you’ve got the Monopoly on this relationship, but you knew it was a Risk winding me up and now you’ll face the Consequences. Get naked – now.”

Sherlock shuddered delightedly, stripping rapidly while making puppy-dog eyes at his lover.

“Don’t pretend you’re Sorry!” John said. “Get on the table, and Connect 4 corners of it immediately.”

Sherlock obligingly lay down, spread-eagling himself to the corners of the table.

“That’s right,” John told him, removing his own clothing. “I like my men like I like my board games – spread out on the kitchen table on Saturday afternoon. And if you play the game properly, you’ll get a good score.”

“No dice,” Sherlock said fake-mournfully.

“Funny,” John purred approvingly. “But you can’t Scrabble out of this. If you behave, I’ll satisfy your Hungry Hip(po)s and make sure this is anything but a Trivial Pursuit.”

Sherlock whimpered, writhing sinuously. John smiled suggestively and murmured into his ear.

“Oh, you’re a Twister all right. And let me assure you: this Operation will be a game where you definitely won’t be board.”

The 221B Author’s Note:

Finally I found a use for the lines which I almost leaked in my Author’s Note for Fifty over a year ago. Admittedly they were never mine in the first place. I heard them in the British TV show 8 Out Of 10 Cats and the line ‘I like my (wo)men like I like my board games...’ came from Jimmy Carr if I recall correctly, while the hilariously rueful rejoinder of ‘No dice’ was an ad-lib by Jon Richardson.

In other news, Initially, he wanted to be a pilot won ‘Best Crossover’ fic in “The Holmsies” on Tumblr, which is nice, and thanks to anyone who voted. I have no idea if this award is a good thing or not. I have to admit that the word ‘Holmsies’ makes me squirm. Where’s the bloody ‘e’?!

I’ve had writer’s block for far too long and was genuinely beginning to despair. I’m still struggling with an angsty fic which has been lurking around in my brain for so many months, and the whole damned story is planned out in my head but just will not transfer itself to the keyboard. But one day I might angst your hearts out when you least expect it ...

In the meantime I’m just grateful that my plotbunny woke up from her semi-retirement in time for Mirith’s birthday!

3rd-Oct-2014 09:06 am (UTC)
Happy Birthday, Mirith! Thank you so much for waking up the bunnies and the muses. I'm still giggling at John's dirty talk. I bet Sherlock is game for it!
3rd-Oct-2014 11:42 am (UTC)
Thank you, Rox! I was fast asleep while the bunnies and muses were working, so I strongly suspect that all thanks must go to Callie, who is hilarious. Mr. Mirith must think so too, as he giggled and "Oh God"ded his way through this.
4th-Oct-2014 12:02 pm (UTC)
I'm not sure I approve of my innocent bun coming up with all that suggestive talk. I have a suspicious feeling that Douglas Bear is channelling his namesake and is corrupting my baby.

Glad that Mr Mirith enjoyed the story too!

4th-Oct-2014 12:09 pm (UTC)
I'm just relieved that the bunnies and the muses finally got off their dozy backsides!
3rd-Oct-2014 11:34 am (UTC)
Omg, so funny and clever -- and more than "a tiny bit sexy." This was the first gift I opened, and let me tell you, any other gifts are going to have a lot of catching up to do. Brilliant. Thank you, sweetie.

Congratulations on your "Best Crossover" award! It's richly deserved.
3rd-Oct-2014 10:36 pm (UTC)
Happy birthday, Mirith! :-)
4th-Oct-2014 12:23 am (UTC)
Thank you! It's been very happy indeed. Ariane started me off right. :)
4th-Oct-2014 12:07 pm (UTC)
Thank you for having a birthday and waking up the dozing bunny!
3rd-Oct-2014 03:26 pm (UTC)
HAAAAAAAAA! And unexpectedly HAWT.
4th-Oct-2014 12:09 pm (UTC)
Even I was surprised when the story went in that direction!
3rd-Oct-2014 03:49 pm (UTC)

"“Don’t pretend you’re Sorry!” John said. “Get on the table, and Connect 4 corners of it immediately.”"

Who knew board games could be so sexy?!! And it was amazing how many you managed to include.

(Saving the link to Initially... to savour later).
3rd-Oct-2014 07:53 pm (UTC)
Oh! I find I've already read "Initially" . . . still it's just as good as the first time!!
4th-Oct-2014 12:07 pm (UTC)
Aww, thanks! It still surprises me how many people read and liked that story. I honestly thought it would get hardly any readers, so I was chuffed to bits when it went down so well.
3rd-Oct-2014 10:35 pm (UTC)
*reads Rating: R(ish)*
Oh My God there are going to be sexy times. No wait, don't get carried away, it's Ariane, that must be a trap. Everything is in the ish. I'm sure her icon is a scam.

*reads the first sentence*
Oooh, that's an innuendo.

*keeps on reading*
This is... This is more than innuendos, isn't it? *doesn't dare to believe*

*reaches Sherlock whimpered, writhing sinuously. John smiled suggestively and murmured into his ear.*
Well, fuck. (Pardon my French.)

Oh my God. YOU'RE WRITING SLASH AGAIN. *hugs Ariane* (Do not think I didn't notice it was clever and funny too, I did, but I also noticed that oh my God you're writing slash again.) Now, you know, all these times I whined about you writing friendship or het fics? You thought that I was a slash enthusiast, didn't you? HA HA HA HA HA. Not at all. I just knew (because I am super clever) that you'd have writer's block one day, and that sexy fics, I mean gay sexy fics, would be the cure. And of course I wanted you to practice a bit, just to be safe. See how right I was. *tries to look virtuous and altruistic* *fails*
4th-Oct-2014 12:05 pm (UTC)
You like slash? I would never have known. I thought you would be appalled by such filth and would send me a stern reprimand for corrupting the fandom.

Oh, wait. No I didn't.

gay sexy fics
Bless you with your hopeful plural. Don't hold your breath.
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