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A Scandal in Belgravia
ANDREW (the Equerry): And Mr Holmes the younger. You look taller in your photographs.
BENEDICT: I take the precaution of a good big coat ... (He pauses for a second after his fluffed line then starts again) ... I take the precaution of a good coat and a short friend. Mycroft, I don’t do anonymous clients. (He turns and starts to walk towards the door.) I’m used to mysteries at one end of my cases. Both ends is too much work. (To the equerry) Good morning.
MARK: This is a matter of national importance.
(He follows behind Ben, trampling on the trailing edge of his sheet. Ben loses his balance, wobbles, hops on one foot for a moment, then falls to the floor. The rest of the cast and crew crack up laughing. Ben sits up, and Mark and Martin help him to his feet.)
CREW MEMBER: Cut there.
In the theatre. Rupert and Martin are walking down a corridor. Benedict’s voice comes from the dressing room he has just entered.
(Rupert and Martin stop and go back to the doorway.)
(Offscreen, Benedict tosses a cap to Martin.)
BENEDICT: Wear this. Cover your head. We’re gonna have to move fast.
(He comes out of the room and follows Rupert as he leads them on down the corridor.)
RUPERT: Still, it’s good for the public image, a big ...
(He reaches the top of some steps, trips and loses his balance and falls down them. Ben almost follows suit.)
MARTIN: [bleeped word] hell.
BENEDICT: You okay?
The Empty Hearse
St James the Less Church. Bonfire in the park. Very close to the flames, Benedict is pulling pieces of wood away from the fire.
AMANDA (shrieking): John!
BENEDICT: John! John!
AMANDA (or possibly one of the crew): Just ... stand back.
(Benedict straightens up, then looks quirkily into the camera.)
BENEDICT: I could go in, but that’d be really dangerous.
(Laughter from the crew.)
CREW MEMBER: Oh, go on(!)
In the kebab shop
BENEDICT: Seriously, it’s not a joke? (He gestures to his own top lip.) You’re really keeping this?
MARTIN (nodding): Yeah.
(As Martin pauses before giving his next line, Benedict screws his eyes up and starts bopping his head to his own internal tunes.)
MARTIN: Mary likes it.
(Ben bops on for a second, then straightens his face and puts the paper napkin to his mouth again.)
CREW MEMBER: Start again.
Same scene, a little later. Martin shakes his head angrily and steps closer to Benedict.
MARTIN (intensely): Just one word, Sherlock. One word is all I needed to let me know that you were alive. That was, in a way, bad.
(Ben snorts with laughter, then Amanda cracks up. Martin, apparently well in the zone, tries to keep the filming going.)
MARTIN: Sorry, sorry. Let’s go, straight on, thank you.
The Sign of Three
Outside the wedding reception, Amanda, Martin and Ben have their eyes closed and their heads tilted up, apparently enjoying the sunshine.
CREW MEMBER: Right, all start, fourteen, take four, A Camera mark.
(Someone holds up a clapperboard in front of the camera and claps the top down.)
CLAPPERBOARD HOLDER: B Camera mark.
(Martin lowers his head and opens his eyes, settling into position and smiling.)
VOICE 1: Set.
VOICE 2: Set.
VOICE 3: Set.
(Amanda and Ben finally stop sunbathing and get into position.)
DIRECTOR: And, action!
In the kitchen of 221B, the boys are sitting at the table. Sherlock is about to ask John if his middle name is Henry. While they’re waiting for the camera crew to be ready, Martin is reading the paper.
BENEDICT: ... saying, sweetheart. I mean, what the [bleeped word] is that all about? I don’t know!
MARTIN: John Duttine, the actor.
BENEDICT: “On what particular day in November, how old was he?”
MARTIN: No, no, how old did he become in March this year?
BENEDICT: I don’t even know who John Duttine was. I thought you were making [bleeped word] up.
MARTIN: I assumed you’d probably been christened by him.
(Ben cracks up laughing as the camera pushes in. He continues to laugh silently.)
(He and Martin giggle.)
DIRECTOR: Still running. First positions.
(The camera pulls back again.)
MARTIN: I thought you knew every actor over fifty.
DIRECTOR: Here we go.
MARTIN: I thought there was a by-law.
(He and Benedict straighten their faces.)
DIRECTOR: Settle, and – and action!
(Even as the camera pushes in again, Ben splutters laughter. Martin grins. The director laughs.)
BENEDICT: Sorry, sorry. I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.
Wellington Barracks. In the shower room, John and Sherlock are crouched over Bainbridge’s body and John has realised that he is still breathing.
BENEDICT: Er, er, what-what do we do?
MARTIN: Steven, Steven, can you hear me? Come on, old son.
(He looks up at Ben.)
MARTIN: Give me your scarf. NOW, quickly.
(As Ben pulls his scarf from around his neck, Martin looks up at the sergeants.)
MARTIN: Call a cab. Call a cab?!
(Giggling from the crew. Again apparently in the zone, Martin points at the various people in the room, trying to calm them down quickly.)
MARTIN: Sorry, sorry, sorry. (He points sternly at Ben.) Okay? Er, from ... (To Ben, pointing to his scarf) D’you mind putting that back ...?
The Council Chamber. Sherlock is with the five women. He turns his head to the right as he speaks to John – who is in 221B and not actually in the Chamber at the time.
BENEDICT: Everyone has secrets and they replied too quickly.
RITU (Gail): Gotta go.
GEORGINA (Charlotte): See ya.
WENDY (Robyn): Bye-bye.
DEBBIE (Vicky): Sorry, sexy. Some secrets have to stay secret.
(Ben sighs in exasperation.)
ALICE (Tessa): Enjoy the wedding.
(She turns and walks away and Ben pulls a sarcastic face behind her back. All the actresses walk away in different directions, leaving Ben in the middle of the chamber floor. He sighs heavily ... then starts to dance, clicking his fingers.)
His Last Vow
In the living room of the Holmes cottage, Amanda turns and gives a slightly nervous, slightly cheesy grin into the camera.
In the kitchen of the cottage, Mark has just delivered his line, “Lovely when you bring your friends round(!)”
WANDA: You stop it. (She picks up the basket of Christmas crackers and starts to walk across the kitchen.) Sherlock’s been shot ...
(Some of the crackers fall out of the basket and onto the floor.)
WANDA: Somebody ... (She stops and looks exasperated.) God, I’ve made a [bleeped word] mess of this.
(Ben, Mark and the crew laugh.)
WANDA: I won’t have so many crackers – sorry.
CREW MEMBER: Can we get less crackers?
Earlier in the same scene
MARK: Oh, dear lord, it’s only two o’clock. It’s been Christmas Day for at least a week now. How can it only be two o’clock? I’m in agony.
(In his armchair, Ben is holding a plate and a mince pie and now he bites into the pie. It disintegrates, part of it dropping onto the plate, then he puts the rest of the pie back onto the plate, snorting slightly as if he has realised that the shot is ruined, and turns to put the plate onto the dresser behind him. He reaches forward and picks up a newspaper.)
BENEDICT: That’s the only redeeming feature.
(Wanda starts laughing.)
MARK: That was a mistake!
(Ben and everyone else laugh.)
221B. John is walking towards Sherlock’s closed bedroom door. Instead of stopping short of it, Martin goes right up to it and puts his hands on the door jambs either side of it. Yasmine opens the door and gasps at seeing him so close. Martin turns and walks away again.
MARTIN: It’s almost as if I got too far.
(Yasmine giggles behind him.)
CREW MEMBER: I don’t think so(!)
Hospital. Janine is sitting on Sherlock’s bed.
BENEDICT (raising the top of the bed): And you, as it turns out, are an aggressive ... (he grins) ... despotic ... (He laughs.) I’m sorry. I’m so sorry! (He lowers the bed down again.)
YASMINE: Sorry, that was me.
BENEDICT: Sorry, sorry.
Mind Palace. A door opens and Amanda, in full wedding dress and veil, is pointing a gun towards the camera. She fires and Ben – or possibly a double – reels out of the way of the camera. Amanda holds position, staring sternly ahead of herself with the gun raised for several seconds.)
(Amanda lowers the pistol and grins excitedly.)
A full list of episode transcripts, DVD commentary summaries/transcripts, and transcripts of the DVD special features can be found here.