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Ariane DeVere
Sherlock parody #3 – Transcript of “The Case of the Missing Shoulder” 
14th-Mar-2015 01:41 pm
Sherlock parody - Murder by death
Sherlock parody – Transcript of “The Case of the Missing Shoulder”

For those whose first language is not English, here’s a transcript of the latest parody in the hope that it will help. I have only transcribed the spoken words and not what is happening visually. If you haven’t seen the video yet because of the above reason, can I suggest that you watch it first and then rewatch with the transcript.

And trust me, don’t try to read it if you haven’t seen the video, or your head will explode.

There are a few bits I may have got wrong, so I’m happy to take suggestions of corrections!

I hope a few people find this useful. At least for a while it kept my mind off the pain from the tooth extraction that I suffered yesterday.

The transcripts of the previous parodies “Oklahomo” and “Mind Phallus” and links to the videos are here.

Transcript by Ariane DeVere aka Callie Sullivan.

Sherlock parody – “The Case of the Missing Shoulder”

(Video here)

SHERLOCK: Shoulderless dog. ... Damn.
JUDE: Sherlock.
SHERLOCK: Fuck off, Jude Law.
JOHN: Sherlock.
SHERLOCK: I don’t believe your facial hair.
JOHN: Oh, sorry.
SHERLOCK: Fuuuuuck ooooofff. ... What is the essence of a unibrow?
JOHN: What?
SHERLOCK: If you were to drain the self-esteem out of cardboard, would that give you flavours of knowledge, or would you live in Denmark?
JOHN: But I thought the ...
SHERLOCK: Quiet. ... Speak.
JOHN: There’s been a murder at the opera.
SHERLOCK and JOHN (singing the ‘Pursuit’ theme): ♪ Doo-doot, doo-doo-doo-doo, doo-doo-doot ... Doo-doo-doo, doo-doo-doo, doo-doo-doo, doo-doo-doo, doo-doo-doooo. ♪
JOHN: What am I looking at?
SHERLOCK: Look at this finger pointing here. My shoulder is missing.
JOHN: Yes! How does a shoulder go missing?
SHERLOCK: Let me think.
SHOULDER: Is this a shoulder pub?
BARMAN: No shit, shoulder.
JOHN: Did you find something?
SHERLOCK: Nothing logical. ... Nice collar.
POLICE OFFICER (American accent): You can’t say ‘coloured.’
SHERLOCK: Sorry. Deeply sorry. ... Bend your petite figure down and look at it. No, stop. Let me do it. No, you do it. Let me do .. You ... Shh. ... Face of a rugged angel. Lint on chest, suggesting fear of ABBA. Ears that remind me of noses. Happy knees, making him look like Robert Downboy Lonelylone.
JOHN: Robert Downey Junior.
SHERLOCK: I’ve been cloned.
JOHN: Uff da. [Click here for definition.]
SHERLOCK: Collateral damage.
POLICE OFFICER: You can’t say ‘collateral.’
SHERLOCK: It’s Sherlock. I’ve taken his era and he’s taken my shoulder. Case closed. Let’s go home and look at each other for five hours while I sing ... (singing) ♪ I don’t know much, but I know I love you ... ♪ ... Stop! Let’s do a jump at separate times kiss.
JUDE: Sherlock.
SHERLOCK: Fuck off, Jude Law. ... (Singing) ♪ I don’t know much ...
(John joins in.)
SHERLOCK and JOHN: ♪ ... but I know I love you ...
SHERLOCK: ♪ Can’t you see ...
SOUNDTRACK: ♪ That may be all there is to know. ♪

Transcripts of the real “Sherlock” episodes, together with DVD commentaries and Extras, here!

14th-Mar-2015 03:14 pm (UTC)
Aaah, thank you! I saw the parody had been released yesterday but I thought I'd wait a bit to watch it because, maybe, the great Ariane would do the transcript and I'd enjoy the parody more with it. Ariane, you never disapppoint! :-)
14th-Mar-2015 07:27 pm (UTC)
I would never let you down, Choco, despite my laptop being so cantankerous that it wouldn't download the vid and the Youtube version kept stopping and refusing to restart. But with much swearing and kicking the computer (gently, so as not to hurt my hurty tooth), I persevered. Oh, the things I do for the fandom!
14th-Mar-2015 04:18 pm (UTC)
I didn't even know a new one had been released. I'm pretty sure this is my favorite.

(And once again, having a transcript does wonders for true understanding of all the jokes included in the video!!)

Didn't realize you had transcribed the earlier ones. Off to see what I missed in those...

Thank you so very much!
14th-Mar-2015 07:25 pm (UTC)
Didn't realize you had transcribed the earlier ones.

Somebody must have hacked your blog, then, because I thought it was you who posted a ton of videos underneath the earlier ones!
14th-Mar-2015 08:06 pm (UTC)
Wow. You are (of course) correct.

I'm on a ton of medication which has a side effect of (supposedly) affecting my memory (and/or I'm just losing my mind, one or the other) and I completely forgot that I read these last year.

On the bright side, nobody hacked my blog. On the down side, I annoyed the hell out of you so I can only apologize again for that and, also, for completely forgetting it happened at all.

I'll just crawl away into the corner and we'll just pretend this never happened, 'kay?
14th-Mar-2015 04:25 pm (UTC) - The Case of the Missing Shoulder Transcript
I watched and listened and then read and watched again. I wonder if your "poofter" isn't "uffda". Thanks for all you do.
14th-Mar-2015 07:21 pm (UTC) - Re: The Case of the Missing Shoulder Transcript
Yes, I think it is. I'd never heard it before, hence not for a moment thinking that that's what 'John' said! (And you have to admit that 'poofter' is also fairly appropriate in these videos!)

Thanks for pointing it out. Edit made.
16th-Mar-2015 12:15 pm (UTC) - Re: The Case of the Missing Shoulder Transcript
Absolutely appropriate! I'm so grateful for your work on and passion for Sherlock.
17th-Mar-2015 10:40 am (UTC) - Re: The Case of the Missing Shoulder Transcript
I've been perplexed about the 'Uff da' thing as well, so I went to the original source - the sketch being a part of NRK TV comical show - and I watched it on their website with their subtitles turned on. They indeed have "Uff da" here :)

Never heard it before and I have no idea why they put it in since it's not UK English at all. Maybe a nod to the Norwegian origin of the parodies? Or maybe a little inside joke as in fact Bjarte (the guy who plays John) doesn't speak English at all.

Thank you so much for doing the transcripting! Very helpful for us non-natives :)
17th-Mar-2015 11:18 am (UTC) - Re: The Case of the Missing Shoulder Transcript
There are subtitles?!! Damn, they would have been useful while I was transcribing this.

(Although I just turned on the automated subtitles on the Youtube video and they're hilariously wrong all the way through!)

Yes, I too wondered why they included that phrase. I'm just glad that some people knew it and gave me the correction.
17th-Mar-2015 11:33 am (UTC) - Re: The Case of the Missing Shoulder Transcript
Well, there are and aren't. Of course youtube subtitles are automated useless crap... The ones I mentioned are only there if you watch on their website here

However they probably won't be much useful for you as they are translated back into Norwegian for the non-English part of their audience. (The whole sketch TV show is in Norwegian of course, Sherlock parody being the only exception).

They do have the "Uff da" there though, which kind of confirms it for us as well, because we can hear that he really has said it :) (at least that was my logic, so yeah, now only 'why' this phrase)
17th-Mar-2015 11:35 am (UTC) - Re: The Case of the Missing Shoulder Transcript
LJ tells me that my above comment was marked as spam, but hopefully you can still see it..?

Edited at 2015-03-17 11:38 am (UTC)
17th-Mar-2015 11:40 am (UTC) - Re: The Case of the Missing Shoulder Transcript
That was because of the hyperlink. I've unspammed it now.
14th-Mar-2015 07:10 pm (UTC)
Oh, you rock! Thank you for the quick transcript. That's very helpful as usual.

I'm not 100% sure about the "you can't say '...'" parts. It's obviously a stab at Benedict Cumberbatch's unfortunate appearance on Tavis Smiley where he called black people 'colored' and apologized for it later.

In this case here I thought Sherlock here is saying 'nice collar', because that's what he's touching while he says it. So basically the joke with the police officer here would be that he's saying words that sound like 'colour' (collar and collateral), resulting in being told that he can't say 'colour'. I don't know how to explain it better, but I hope it makes sense.
14th-Mar-2015 07:23 pm (UTC)
Ooh, yes, I hadn't realised he was touching the police officer's collar. I thought he was referring to the hi-vis jacket which the officer was wearing, but watching it again, your interpretation makes more sense, and it also perhaps explains why the officer is American. Edit made. Thanks for pointing it out.
14th-Mar-2015 09:31 pm (UTC)
As always, many many thanks! It makes such a difference having this for they do speak very quickly! (But that's the point of course).

"SHOULDER: Is this a shoulder pub?
BARMAN: No shit, shoulder."

I missed that altogether - brilliant!

17th-Mar-2015 11:23 am (UTC)
I actually struggled more with this episode than the previous two, and even had to look through the sherlock parody tag on Tumblr to see what people were saying about certain lines. So if I was struggling, non-first-language viewers probably found it even more confusing than usual!
16th-Mar-2015 06:12 pm (UTC)
Thank you for doing these! <3
17th-Mar-2015 11:23 am (UTC)
You're welcome!
1st-Apr-2015 07:22 pm (UTC)
I didn't know this parody existed until you wrote a transcript for it! So your work helps even those of us who speak English as natives (or as Americans, at any rate). I wasn't able to parse "You can't say 'coloured'" while watching the vid, so I didn't get what was happening until I read your work. Oh, my. No, you certainly can't.

"Bend your petite figure down" and "Face of a rugged angel." Those are my favorite bits.
4th-Apr-2015 05:10 pm (UTC)
The problem with the "You can't say 'coloured'," line is that if people hadn't been following the latest gossip/news about Ben inadvertently referring to 'coloured' people in a recent interview, they wouldn't realise why the black cop was saying it. All in all I struggled more with this episode than the previous two and yet it had fewer silly lines in it. Or maybe I'm just getting more deaf, but I definitely had more people correcting my original transcript than in the past!
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