For those whose first language is not English, here’s a transcript of the latest parody in the hope that it will help. I have only transcribed the spoken words and not what is happening visually. If you haven’t seen the video yet because of the above reason, can I suggest that you watch it first and then rewatch with the transcript.
And trust me, don’t try to read it if you haven’t seen the video, or your head will explode.
There are a few bits I may have got wrong, so I’m happy to take suggestions of corrections!
I hope a few people find this useful. At least for a while it kept my mind off the pain from the tooth extraction that I suffered yesterday.
The transcripts of the previous parodies “Oklahomo” and “Mind Phallus” and links to the videos are here.
Transcript by Ariane DeVere aka Callie Sullivan.
Sherlock parody – “The Case of the Missing Shoulder”
SHERLOCK: Shoulderless dog. ... Damn.
SHERLOCK: Fuck off, Jude Law.
SHERLOCK: I don’t believe your facial hair.
JOHN: Oh, sorry.
SHERLOCK: Fuuuuuck ooooofff. ... What is the essence of a unibrow?
SHERLOCK: If you were to drain the self-esteem out of cardboard, would that give you flavours of knowledge, or would you live in Denmark?
JOHN: But I thought the ...
SHERLOCK: Quiet. ... Speak.
JOHN: There’s been a murder at the opera.
SHERLOCK and JOHN (singing the ‘Pursuit’ theme): ♪ Doo-doot, doo-doo-doo-doo, doo-doo-doot ... Doo-doo-doo, doo-doo-doo, doo-doo-doo, doo-doo-doo, doo-doo-doooo. ♪
JOHN: What am I looking at?
SHERLOCK: Look at this finger pointing here. My shoulder is missing.
JOHN: Yes! How does a shoulder go missing?
SHERLOCK: Let me think.
SHOULDER: Is this a shoulder pub?
BARMAN: No shit, shoulder.
JOHN: Did you find something?
SHERLOCK: Nothing logical. ... Nice collar.
POLICE OFFICER (American accent): You can’t say ‘coloured.’
SHERLOCK: Sorry. Deeply sorry. ... Bend your petite figure down and look at it. No, stop. Let me do it. No, you do it. Let me do .. You ... Shh. ... Face of a rugged angel. Lint on chest, suggesting fear of ABBA. Ears that remind me of noses. Happy knees, making him look like Robert Downboy Lonelylone.
JOHN: Robert Downey Junior.
SHERLOCK: I’ve been cloned.
JOHN: Uff da. [Click here for definition.]
SHERLOCK: Collateral damage.
POLICE OFFICER: You can’t say ‘collateral.’
SHERLOCK: It’s Sherlock. I’ve taken his era and he’s taken my shoulder. Case closed. Let’s go home and look at each other for five hours while I sing ... (singing) ♪ I don’t know much, but I know I love you ... ♪ ... Stop! Let’s do a jump at separate times kiss.
SHERLOCK: Fuck off, Jude Law. ... (Singing) ♪ I don’t know much ...
(John joins in.)
SHERLOCK and JOHN: ♪ ... but I know I love you ...
SHERLOCK: ♪ Can’t you see ...
SOUNDTRACK: ♪ That may be all there is to know. ♪
Transcripts of the real “Sherlock” episodes, together with DVD commentaries and Extras, here!