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Ariane DeVere
Sherlock fic: The importance of trifles 
3rd-Nov-2016 09:35 am
Sherlock - S&J So Heterosexual gif
Title: The importance of trifles
Author: Ariane DeVere
Word count: 221 (+ a 221B Author’s Note)
Rating: PG-13
Warnings/Tags: Humour. Smut. Oh, so much smut.

Summary: John regrets asking Sherlock to teach him some of his deduction techniques – until Sherlock delivers part of the lesson with which John can definitely get on board.

“You know my method, John. It is founded upon the observation of trifles.”

John already wished he hadn’t been so bored that he had asked Sherlock to try and teach him some of his powers of deduction. Instead of taking on the challenge of carefully and patiently explaining his talents to someone ‘ordinary’ like John, Sherlock hadn’t appeared to draw breath for the last four minutes, going into full lecture mode about how he carried out his work. John reckoned that he had understood one word in every sixteen.

But now John perked up. “Observation of trifles, you say,” he mused, then stood up and left the flat.

When he returned fifteen minutes later, Sherlock stared at what he was carrying, then his eyes lit up.

“Oh yes,” he breathed before following John to the bedroom.

Some hours later, tired, happy, and somewhat overdosed on jelly, sponge fingers, custard, whipped cream and huge amounts of hundreds & thousands, John reflected that buying a large trifle from the supermarket, then using Sherlock as a mobile spoon in order to consume it – especially by not using Sherlock’s hands, feet or mouth – was absolutely the best way to both observe and consume his favourite dessert. He looked forward to his second lesson when hopefully Sherlock would teach him all about the observation of blancmange.

The 221B Author’s note:

The opening line of this fic comes from the canonical The Boscombe Valley Mystery. I wouldn’t have known, but I’ve been reading a story by one of the greatest Sherlock fanfic writers, who I won’t name here in case she doesn’t wish to be associated with this silliness. She included Sherlock (seriously) thinking about “the importance of trifles” which sent me into a giggle-fit on the train and then inspired this nonsense.

Mmm, trifle. I miss a proper home-made one like Mum used to make. Shop-bought ones never get the custard right.

One recipe for proper trifle can be found here (other recipes are available). ‘Hundreds & thousands’ are quite incorrectly referred to as ‘sprinkles’ in some other countries.

I’ve started to write a longer fic: it’s buzzing round my head but reluctant to translate itself into sensible sentences. My regular readers may realise that this means it’ll be angsty and/or twisty, because those ones always take longer to make their way out of my brain.

However, I realised that so far I’d published sixty-eight Sherlock/Cabin Pressure fics, so whatever I published next would be the 69th. I have a dirty mind at the best of times, so decided that story #69 should definitely be smut.

Now, back to story number 70. *sniggers* Let’s see how many minds I can blow.

3rd-Nov-2016 11:30 am (UTC)
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3rd-Nov-2016 07:17 pm (UTC)
Brilliant! What a sweet treat!

"Shop-bought ones never get the custard right."

*nods* Too true!

And I'd forgotten about blancmange . . .
4th-Nov-2016 09:28 am (UTC)
Thank you! Glad you liked it.

I don't know what it is about custard in shop-bought trifles. Maybe they don't use proper Bird's custard powder. The custard that comes from tins is lovely in its own right, but it just doesn't work in trifle!

Ah, blancmange. I can't remember whether Mum put it into her trifles or whether we only had it as a separate dessert with strawberry jelly. All I know is that now I really want some!
3rd-Nov-2016 08:05 pm (UTC)
My word! Such raunch, young lady! *fans self with the antimassacar* *approves heartily*

Your John is to be commended on his rigorous approach to observation. The rest of us punters are using our eyes; he's moved on to senses south. Well done, John! And well done, Ari, you great treasure.

P.S. In Boston, we call hundreds and thousands "jimmies." "Sprinkles" refers to the weather in March.
4th-Nov-2016 09:34 am (UTC)
John has clearly already been picking up useful tips from Sherlock, and so - without even realising it - has learned how to prioritise an observation. *nods*

"Jimmies"?!! I despair of the rest of the world. No wonder they're voting in weirdos if they can't even speak proper English. And that also explains why the British themselves are also making odd voting choices, because half of them can't speak proper English either!

If humanity concentrated more on finding inventive ways of eating hundreds & thousands (and calling them by the correct term), the world would be a nicer place. ;-)
4th-Nov-2016 11:07 pm (UTC)
Oh, I dunno. We were calling them "jimmies" when we voted in Barak Obama, and we'll be calling them that when we dispense with Trump this Tuesday. I think we're doing all right. :)
7th-Nov-2016 09:21 am (UTC)
Darling, if you and your fellow Americans dispense with Trump, you can call hundreds & thousands whatever you want!
3rd-Nov-2016 08:28 pm (UTC)
Rating: PG-13
Warnings/Tags: Humour. Smut. Oh, so much smut.

*narrows her eyes* With this rating, I'm suspicious of the smut.

using Sherlock as a mobile spoon in order to consume it – especially by not using Sherlock’s hands, feet or mouth –
Well, this is what I suspected. I really can't see anything smutty in the idea of John using Sherlock's elbow to eat a trifle. But hey, who am I to judge, you can have an elbow kink if you want.

I never ate a trifle but it looks delicious, thank you for the recipe!

I'm glad you're back on the writing field! I, er, I just hope your next story will be twisty and not angsty. *thinks of Didn’t we almost make it* *looks daggers at you* *but in a nice way*
4th-Nov-2016 09:39 am (UTC)
Only you could be promised smut and immediately get suspicious that it wouldn't be enough!

And dammit, Choco, I thought you would have been more diplomatic about outing my elbow kink. *shifty eyes*

That would have to be a very big bowl to get an elbow into!

Oh, you poor darling. If I didn't need to keep VerityBun near me in the hope that she'll help me get the next story going, I would send her over with a trifle for you to try. Use of elbows would be optional.
4th-Nov-2016 08:44 pm (UTC)
That would have to be a very big bowl to get an elbow into!
Wait, you mean it was his nose? God, this fic is so confusing. Also it's very dangerous, what if Sherlock accidentally inhales whipped cream? John is a doctor, he should know about these things. No wonder you only mention his thoughts after the trifle consumption, Sherlock must be livid, what with whipped cream all over his face and sneezing hundreds & thousands. What do you mean, "I'm afraid you slighly miss the point?"
7th-Nov-2016 09:25 am (UTC)
You. Are. Weird.

Thank goodness you never change.

Only you - the queen of finding smut where there is no smut - could claim not to understand when there is definitely smut!

Personally, I think the sight of Sherlock sneezing hundreds & thousands would be quite adorable.
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